Barley has a pretty impressive nutrient profile that makes it a wonderful addition to any soup. In one cup, it has 23 g of protein, is high in the vitamins thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B6, with some folate, and high in the minerals magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, zinc, copper, manganese, selenium, and some calcium. But unless it is properly prepared by soaking, sprouting, or fermenting, these minerals will not be accessible.
Hulled barley still contains the outer bran layer and pearl barley has this removed. If you’re not going to properly prepare your barely, it might be a better idea to go with the pearl barley. Just know that in addition to having the phytic acid removed, it is also has hardly and protein or nutrients left either. I like to buy my hulled barley in bulk here through Country Life Natural Foods, but you can also buy it here and here from Amazon.
At any rate, the best way to prepare barley so that it gets rid of all the phytic acid is to soak it in an acidic medium that will unlock the phytase within the barley which will help to break down the phytic acid. Read more about phytic acid in my blog Phytic Acid: An Anti-Nutrient That’s Slowly Killing You.
Put your barley in a four quart pot and fill it almost to the top with water. It’s best if the water is warm.
Barley in Water
Add the apple cider vinegar.
Let it sit for 24+ hours. Stir the grains occasionally if you think of it.
Bring to a slow boil and let simmer until the barley puff up. It should soak up most of the water at this point.
Drain the barley in a colander and rinse with filtered water. (This isn’t necessarily getting rid of any impurities, but if you don’t do this, your soup will be really cloudy.)
Straining Barley
Add to your soup and continue to cook on low to medium for about an hour.
When you eat a bran muffin, brown rice, or whole wheat bread, you think you’re making a healthy choice, right? Well, because of the phytic acid present in these foods, that is not the case. If you are not going to properly prepare your foods that contain phytic acid, it is actually a better option to eat a blueberry muffin made with white flour, white rice, and white bread.
Phytic acid is present in all seeds (which by definition includes nuts, beans, grain, oats, rice, corn, tubers, etc.), and is an anti-nutrient that protects plants, but is harmful to us if we eat it in its raw state. In order to unlock the phytic acid so that we can get the phosphorus within and prevent it from leeching additional nutrients from us, we need to unlock the phytase within the seed (or add it if enough isn’t there). We can do this by using proper preparation techniques such as soaking, sprouting, and sour leavening.
What is an Anti-Nutrient?
There are many different types of anti-nutrients such as protease inhibitors, lipase inhibitors, amylase inhibitors, oxalic acid and oxalates, glucosinolates, trypsin inhibitors, lectins, flavonoids, and saponins, and they are all good for plants, but bad for us. Basically, they are the protection system of plants. They are found most often in the hull or husk of a seed and acts as a protective coating that can be “taken off” when the conditions (for growing) are just right.
This Coat is Like the Anti-Nutrients in a Plant
Taking the Anti-Nutrient “Coat” Off
Phytic Acid is an Anti-Nutrient
Phytic acid is the specific anti-nutrient that I want to focus on here because it is prevalent in so many of our foods, and by properly preparing foods to unlock the phytic acid, we will also be unlocking the mechanisms of some of the other anti-nutrients as well.
Phytic Acid is an Anti-Nutrient (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Harbinary, 2009)
Good for Plants: When a seed is in conditions that are just right for growing (the right acidity or soil pH, enough moisture, and nutrients are present), phytase will be released that will unlock the phytic acid and release the phosphorus that it needs to grow. Because of phytic acid, seeds can stay dormant as they pass through the digestive tract of an animal and are in locations or conditions where the growing conditions are not ideal. Soil has a specific pH that when combined with water and nutrients unlocks the phytic acid so the seed can germinate and grow.
A Seed is Protected by Phytic Acid Until it Sprouts (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Amada44, 2010)
Bad for Us:We have enzymes to break down fats, proteins, and carbohydrates, but we do not have an enzyme that allows us to break down phytic acid. So when we eat foods with phytic acid, we are not getting access to the valuable phosphorus inside. Phosphorus isn’t as widely recognized as calcium, but it is just as important. Phosphorus is a mineral found within every single cell in the body. It works with calcium to make our bones strong. Too little phosphorus in the diet can lead to osteoporosis. (*Too much, mainly from soft drinks, can lead to calcium loss as well as cravings for sugar and alcohol.)
In addition, the phosphate arms of the phytic acid molecule attach to valuable minerals such as calcium, iron, zinc, and magnesium, making it impossible for us to absorb them during digestion. (It binds with these minerals regardless of when they were consumed, meaning that by eating phytic acid, we could actually be getting negative nutrients from the food we’re eating.) Phytic acid also inhibits the enzymes amylase, pepsin, and trypsin that help us to digest carbohydrates and proteins.
Over Time, Phytic Acid Can Cause Osteoporosis (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, BruceBlaus, 2013)
When growing children are deprived of these minerals, their growth is stunted and the results can be severe such as poor bone growth, short stature, rickets, narrow jaws, and tooth decay. As adults, we can go for years and years consuming a diet high in phytic acid and not notice any immediate damage until we get something like osteoporosis in our later years when it is too late to do anything about it.
Seeds That Have Phytic Acid
The following list of “seeds” contain phytic acid and are listed from the highest phytic acid content to the lowest. When we eat these foods, some of them easily come to mind as seeds and with others, you’ll be like, oh yeah, I guess those are seeds! (Just know that for the duration of this article, I’ll be referring to the following as seeds.)
Seeds(like sesame and pumpkin)
Nuts(like pecan, walnut, and peanut)
Grains(like wheat, rye, barley, rice, and corn)
Beans(like kidney, soy, and chickpeas)
Tubers(like yams, sweet potatoes, and potatoes)
Phytic Acid is Located in the Hull of the Seed
Phytic Acid is in the Hull (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Laghi.l, 2007)
Phytic acid is mostly found in the bran, hull, or the hard outer layers of the seed. You would think that we would just be able to remove it and problem solved, but when we separate the bran, we are also separate the embryo, and these two places are where all of the nutrients are located.
What Will Neutralize the Phytic Acid?
Phytaseis an enzyme that resides within plants alongside phytic acid that neutralizes it and unlocks the organic form of phosphorus by acting as a catalyst to the hydrolosis of phytic acid. In nature, this occurs during germination.
Where Do We Get Phytase?
Ruminant animals such as deer, cows, and sheep, produce phytase that helps them to unlock the nutrients in the phytic acid. They also have four stomachs, regurgitate their food so they can chew it again, and have longer intestines. They are made to eat food like this.
Ruminant Have Four Stomachs that can Break Down Phytic Acid (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Pearson Scott Foresman, 2008)
We are not. We produce such a small amount of phytase that it’s hardly worth mentioning. Some people do have really good gut flora with probiotic lactobacilli and other good bacteria that actually produce phytase. They are able to handle low to moderate amounts of phytic acid.
But here’s the good news: By soaking, sprouting, and sour leavening, we can mimic the conditions that stimulate germination which will release the phytase and break down the phytic acid thereby releasing the phosphorus mineral and unlocking any other minerals (calcium, zinc, magnesium, and iron) that are bound up as well.
Organic Chemistry
This might be a section that you gloss over, and that’s fine. Just know that I have spent weeks upon weeks and hours upon hours reading hundreds of pages of studies and scientific explanations in order to understand this very complicated, yet beautifully simple, process. Here is what I learned about phytic acid and how it is affected by the three things that seeds need to germinate.
The Right Moisture: The first thing seeds need to germinate is water, or H2O.
The Right Acidity: When the pH reaches the optimal level of 5.1-5.5, which is slightly acidic, the phosphates in the phytic acid (where the phosphorus is being stored) convert to dihydrogen triphosphate ions (H2PO4−). This is when the phytase that is in the seed catalyzes (or starts a reaction with) the hydrolysis of phytic acid. Hydrolysis is a reaction involving the breaking of a bond in a molecule using water. So basically, when the conditions are slightly acidic, the phytic acid is able to be broken apart with the help of the phytase enzyme.
The Right Nutrients: Now that the phosphates have been released from their phytic acid bond, the seed can access the phosphorous which it uses to sprout and grow. When the seedling sprouts, the phytase levels are at their highest and they phytic acid levels are at their lowest.
Kitchen Chemistry: Soaking, Sprouting, and Sour Leavening
Once we understand the organic chemistry behind germination, we can understand the chemistry that needs to take place in our kitchen. In order to break down the phytic acid and unlock the nutrients that are trapped within, we need to mimic the process of germination.
Soaking in an Acidic Medium: Soaking is what prepares the seed for germination. By adding an acidic medium such as whey, buttermilk, yogurt, or clabbered milk, which creates an optimal pH level of about 5-5.5 where the phytic acid will be able to be broken down. Apple cider vinegar has a slightly lower pH of 3 and lemon juice is the most acidic of all with a pH of 2. By adding a few tablespoons of either of these to a large pot or glass container of filtered water (never plastic), it should be diluted enough to create a slightly acidic medium. Soaking works best when it’s warm (about 90 degrees) and when it lasts for at least 24 hours.
Soaking Barley in an Acidic Medium
Sprouting: Seeds that are soaked in filtered water and then sprouted for 4 to 5 days will have the time to neutralize a good amount of the phytic acid. Sprouting also increases the vitamin C content tremendously! I personally find the sprouting process too time consuming, but give it a try if it sounds like fun to you or you can buy some sprouted grain flour here!
Seeds Sprouting (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Alex Ex, 2007)
Sour Leavening: Sourdough creates the perfect pH of 4.5-5.0. This is the BEST way to get rid of ALL the phytic acid. Not only that, but the naturally occurring lactobacilli bacteria that convert lactose and other sugars into the lactic acid that gives it its perfect pH, are also the good bacteria that you want in your gut to crowd out things like candida. When making sourdough, it is important to work with freshly ground grain so that the phytase is readily available. Check out some of my sourdough recipes if you are ready to get started.
Sourdough Starter
Some Seeds Don’t Have Phytase
In order for the phytic acid to be broken down, there MUST be phytase within the seed. If there isn’t, no amount of soaking, sprouting, or fermenting will break down the phytic acid. Rye, wheat, and barely, for example, have high amounts of phytase. Oats, rice, and corn, however, have hardly any phytase at all. Here’s a simple trick you can do for seeds that don’t have enough phytase.
Grind some fresh grain that is high in phytase. (Rye is the best, wheat works too.)
Add one or two tablespoons during the soaking process to seeds that are low in phytase.
*The grain MUST be ground fresh (which is why I would recommend buying a little coffee grinder to keep on your kitchen counter) and cannot be frozen or stored for a long time (the phytase will no longer be active.)
The added phytase will break down the phytic acid and your precious nutrients will be unlocked.
Preparation Tips and Tricks
If you’re ready to start getting rid of phytic acid, here are some tips and tricks to use with seeds that have a lot of phytase (like rye, wheat, and barely), seeds that have very little phytase (like oats, rice, and corn), and seeds that are in kind of a grey area (like tubers, beans, nuts, and seeds).
Seeds with Plenty of Phytase
Rye, wheat, and barley are high in phytase. This means that when properly prepared, they can break down their own phytic acid.
Making Flour: I love grinding my own grain to make bread or any other recipies. Freshly ground flour has all of the active phytase and all of the vitamins and minerals intact. The heat of industrial grinding destroys the phytase along with many of the nutrients. Combine that with a long shelf life and buying whole wheat flour is just an empty gesture. Even grinding grain fresh and keeping it in the freezer destroys the phytase.
The best thing to do is to freshly grind what you are going to use. That is why I like keeping my WonderMill within easy reach in the kitchen. I know the price tag seems like a lot, so if you don’t have one yet, maybe you’ll want to try a hand grinder for a lot less to see if you like it first. For grinding small batches of grain to add to my sourdough and other recipes, I like using this little coffee grinder. *Post update (January 2016): After I grind my wheat, I just leave it in its container and keep it on the countertop to use as needed.
I have found that sourdough is the best way to eliminate pretty much all of the phytic acid. Soaking grains before grinding them to make flour just doesn’t make sense to me, and sprouting is a LOT of work and won’t get rid of all they phytic acid, but it’s an option if you’re interested. You can soak your flour in an acidic medium after it’s freshly ground and it should do a pretty good job of getting rid of the phytic acid as well.
Rye – Rye grains have the most phytase of any seed. They have 14 times more phytase than wheat grains. This is the recommended grain for making bread because of its high phytase content, but I have tried using it to make my sourdough and it didn’t rise very well. It tastes great, but it’s a very dense grain. I prefer keeping some on hand to grind fresh to add to other seeds that don’t have as much phytase.
Wheat – Wheat grains don’t have as much phytase as rye, but they have enough to do the job. I find that the lighter grains like Organic Prairie gold wheat berries are the best for making sourdough bread. You can also use something similar like this Soft Winter Wheat or some ancient Einkorn grains. It may seem like a lot to buy 50 lbs at a time, but it is the most cost effective way to get your grains if you have the place to store them. I just keep them in a cupboard in the bag it comes in and roll it down when I’m not using it, but you can get some 5 gallon buckets from the hardware store that would work great too. If you don’t feel like grinding your own grain, here’s a good alternative. Sifting your freshly ground flour to take out the big chunks of bran can help too.
Wheat Grains: High in Phytase
Barley – Barley is more of a superfood than you think. It has an impressive nutritional profile with 23 g of protein per serving (way more than beans or rice) with more vitamins and minerals than just about any other grain. Barley grains have the same amount of phytase as rye grains, so before I use them in my soups, I soak them for 24 hours in an acidic medium. I also order them in bulk from CLNF, but you can also buy them here. I like to get the hulled kind, but if you don’t want to soak them and you don’t care about the nutrient profile, then you can get the pearl kind.
Barley Grains: High in Phytase
Seeds with Very Little Phytase
Oats, rice, and corn have very little phytase, so they will need a little help to break down the phytic acid. By adding a few scoops of freshly ground phytase rich rye flour (or wheat) to an acidic soaking medium, and soak for a full 24 hours, a good amount of the phytic acid should be broken down.
Oats – Oats have more nutrients than just about any other grain. Organic rolled oats are the best because part of the bran (where the phytic acid is) is removed during the rolling process. Just stay away from instant rolled oats because they have been subjected industrial processing with such high heat that nearly all of the nutrients have been destroyed. I used to like steel cut oats, but they have an extremely high phytic acid content. If you prepare them properly, you might be able to get rid of about half of the phytic acid.
Steel Cut Oats: Very Little Phytase
Rice – Brown rice isn’t as healthy as you would think. It only has 5 g of protein per serving in comparison to barley’s 23 g and more impressive nutrient profile. I much prefer using barley in my soups over rice. In addition, studies have shown there to be concerning amounts of arsenic in rice, especially in brown rice. In our family, we enjoy organic jasmine or basmati rice from time to time as a vehicle for other healthier foods like salmon and stir fry.
White Rice: Very Little Phytase
Corn – Are you surprised to see that corn is a grain instead of a vegetable as it’s often peddled? Well, because corn is such a genetically modified food, we try to stay away from it anyways unless it’s in season and we can buy it fresh from a local farmer. Otherwise, we might enjoy some organic corn chips as a vehicle for other more healthy foods like my homemade tacos on occasion. You can get these sprouted organic corn tortillas in bulk here, and here’s a recipe for some fermented corn bread that sounds pretty good if you’d like to still include corn in your diet in a safe way.
White Popcorn Kernals: Very Little Phytase
Kind of a Grey Area…
All of the seeds in this category are kind of hard to define, but the one thing they have in common is that they should NOT comprise the majority of the calories in your diet. Many people will turn to things like nut flours (including coconut) if they trying to go grain free, but here’s a look into why that’s not such a good idea.
Nuts – Nuts have phytic acid amounts equal to or greater than that of grains, but unfortunately we know very little about how to reduce phytic acid in nuts. If you soak them, you might be able to get rid of some of the phytic acid, but not much. A handful of nuts here and there should really be of no concern, but watch out for things like almond milk, nut flours, and peanut butter. You can buy nut butters that have been soaked, and that is a better option.
Mixed Nuts: Very Little Phytase
Seeds – Seeds are extremely high in phytic acid. Some of the phytic acid may be removed by soaking, sprouting, and/or roasting, but it’s debatable. It is best to keep seeds to a minimum and to avoid snacking on raw seeds. If you want to buy some that are okay for occasionally snacking on, you might want to check out these organic sprouted pumpkin seeds.
Seeds: Extremely High in Phytic Acid (Photocredit: Wikimedia Commons, Jitujetster, 2009)
Cacao Seeds – Oh, and here’s some bad news: cacao is a seed, and it is extremely high in phytic acid. Do you know what that means? That’s right, chocolate is made from cacao seeds and is therefore high in phytic acid. Boo! The best thing to do is look for raw cocoa and cocoa powder that is fermented. Maybe I’ll have to give some of these a try.
Beans – Do you ever get gas after eating beans? That’s probably because they weren’t prepared correctly. If you soak beans for 24-36 hours in an acidic medium with some added phytase from some freshly ground rye flour, change the water at least once, rinse the beans, add fresh water, cook at a low boil for 4-12 hours, and skim the foam that comes to the top (those are the phytates and other anti-nutrients), you can get rid of about 50% of they phytic acid. If you want to get rid of ALL the phytic acid, you’ll have to soak for 12 hours, germinate for 3-4 days, and then ferment them.
Beans: High in Phytic Acid (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, BetacommandBot, 2007)
Coffee Beans – Ready for some bad news? Coffee beans are BEANS! Therefore, they contain phytic acid too. According to research, espresso is the best way to get your caffeine kick while minimizing the phytic acid content. Here are some good espresso beans to get you started.
These Espresso Beans are the Best Way to Get Caffeine (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Ailura, 2015)
Tubers – The Weston Price article, “Living with Phytic Acid,” explains that white potatoes and yams have phytic acid levels similar to that of white rice and that sweet potatoes have little to no phytic acid at all. Cooking doesn’t really do anything to break down the phytic acid that is present, but since the levels are so low, if you’re eating a nutrient dense diet, I don’t think it’s really a concern. Tubers are really high in potassium, so I think organic potatoes are an excellent addition to any diet (Unless you’re on a keto diet!).
Potatoes: Very Little Phytic Acid
Benefits of Phytic Acid
There are some health benefits to phytic acid that are worth taking a look at. First of all, it can be beneficial for detoxification because even though it is binding with needed minerals such as zinc and iron, it is also binding with unwanted toxic metals such as cadmium and lead and ushering them out of the body. And when phytic acid binds to excess iron (which never comes from animal products by the way, only plants) that can oxidize and form a rusting in the body, it is serving as antioxidants against cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and neurodegenerative diseases such Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and ALS. But instead of buying inositol hexaphosphate or IP6 (the scientific names of phytic acid) as a supplement, just know that if you’re looking to detoxify your body because of illness or some other ailment, you can just eat a bowl of plain old brown rice to help flush out your body.
In Conclusion
There is a big misconception in a lot of health circles that if it comes from nature and it’s minimally processed, that it is the best and healthiest option.
Phytic acid is just one the many anti-nutrients out there, and its negative effects such as trapping phosphorus, leaching important minerals such as calcium, iron, magnesium, and zinc, and inhibiting the enzymes amylase, pepsin, and trypsin that help us to digest carbohydrates and proteins, should be enough to make us think twice about the seeds (grains, nuts, beans, seeds, and tubers) that we eat.
It therefore stands to reason that the “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” axiom by Michael Pollan (Omnivore’s Dilemma) isn’t the simple solution we should be looking for. If we are to keep these foods in our diets, however, it is important that we take the steps to prepare them properly in order to degrade these anti-nutrients as much as possible. By learning (or re-learning) the ancient arts of soaking, sprouting, and sour leavening, we can take steps to ensure the best nutrition not only for us, but for our children, and for our future.
Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon, president of the Weston A. Price Foundation(This is the book that changed my life and inspired me to learn as much as I could about feeding my family. It is full of hundreds of nourishing recipes.)
Preparing Grains, Nuts, Seeds and Beans for Maximum Nutrition by Ramiel Nagel via the Weston Price Foundation website (My research on phytic acid originally brought me here, and while Nagel brings up some good points and has really shaken up the health circuits with some of his claims, he’s a little off in some places.)
Why Grains Are Unhealthy by Mark’s Daily Apple (A great look at the other anti-nutrients found in grains and good explanation as to why plants have phytates and phytic acid.)
How much phytic acid should we eat? Americans typically eat 631-746 mg. People who eat a good diet as advocated by the Weston A. Price Foundation can get away with 400-800 mg.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/embracing-motherhood.com-18.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2015-03-16 13:50:482024-11-09 19:27:33The Dangers of Phytic Acid and What to Do About It
When I was an elementary school teacher and now as a parent of four young children, I have always believed that creating an environment conducive to learning was one of the most important things I could do (after making my students and children feel loved that is.)
Before I became a stay at home mom, I taught at an I.B. school that focused on backwards design and the inquiry model of instruction. These are two things that I believe in strongly and have carried over into my parenting philosophy. In my classroom, I worked very hard to create an environment and a system that could almost run itself. We would spend the beginning of the year going over rules and expectations, and then I would gradually release responsibility and encourage them to become independent learners as I guided them to find their individual intrinsic motivators.
In my home, I have tried to create the same warm, nurturing, organized, creative, and stimulating environment that will promote independent learning at every turn. Don’t get me wrong, I love cuddling with my kids and finding teachable moments to help guide them towards new understandings, it’s just that I don’t see them as empty vessels that need to be filled with whatever wisdom I can pour into them. I believe that they are embarking on a journey of self discovery and I see myself as their guide; the one who will shepherd them along and help them to find the right path. Listed below are the things I like to do in my home that help to create and facilitate an environment that promotes and encourages independent learning.
1. Organization Behind the Scenes
As the facilitator of my children’s learning, I need to have everything ready to go at a moment’s notice. Whenever one of them is inspired to paint, I want to be able to pull out all of the painting supplies lickety split. Or whenever I see the need to improvise a new learning station, I want to be able to quickly pull out materials and create something. I don’t have the luxury of lunch breaks and planning time anymore, I need to be able to guide, create, build, facilitate, and enjoy at a moment’s notice.
Creative Play at a Moment’s Notice
That is why I love, love, love my cupboards that came with this house. I have my flashcards, construction paper, extra crayons and markers, board games, teaching tubs, craft supplies, and more neatly boxed, labeled, and organized so that I can get to what I need at a moment’s notice. (See my Amazon Store for my recommended Best Teaching Items.) The other day my parents spent the night so that my husband and I could have a Valentine’s date, and the next day my Mom and I spent the entire day reorganizing my cupboards. In doing so, it gave me the ability to continue creating at a moment’s notice in the future. I need times like that to completely reorganize everything. It feels so good!
Organized Cupboards Filled with Learning Supplies
2. Decide Which Supplies to Make Accessible
Depending on the age and “mess propensity” of my children, I keep different materials accessible at different levels. Our toddler has just discovered markers and loves coloring on the walls, refrigerator, tables, etc., so I’ve decided to keep those materials out of her reach. My oldest daughter and son, on the other hand, love being able to have the freedom to color and create on their own, so I have set up a table in my “homeschool room” that has coloring books, blank books, blank paper, colored paper, markers, colored pencils, crayons, scissors, tape and other odds and ends to allow them to have the freedom to create and design on their own.
Organized Homeschool Table
In my cupboards I keep the things that I want my older children to be able to access I keep on the lower shelves. That way, when inspiration strikes, they can take out what they need. I also have a bookshelf with book making supplies, reusable stickers, stamps, and more coloring books for them to use.
Shelves Organized with Learning Supplies
Everything within reach of my toddler are things specifically designed for her. She can do the things that the older kids can do with guidance, but the things at her level are things that she can do independently.
3. Create Learning Stations at Tables
My “homeschool” table is the most versatile station that I have. It can be used for just about any project that we have in mind. We used to only have one table in our home, but I LOVE having this table set up just for arts and crafts. We have another table in our kitchen (it only seats three) that we use for eating and activities. On this table, I have a few coloring books, some crayons, markers, books, and some dry erase boards, books, and markers that the kids can do while I’m cooking or cleaning in the kitchen. In the kitchen we also have a little table with three little chairs. Sometimes my kids eat here, sometimes they do projects here, and sometimes I use it to set out some food for them to graze on. We do have a family dining table in the dining room that we keep cleared off and use just for family meal time.
Our Kitchen Table
Kids Working at Our Kitchen Table
Little Kid Table in the Kitchen
I have a few others shorter coffee tables set up around the house as well. In our multipurpose room I have a coffee table set up that I rotate with different books and activities. Right now it has ABC blocks, a box with Basher books, a box with homemade books and cards, and a place for sheets that I’m working on with our toddler. I also made a short table by our homeschool table to house different activities. Right now it is winter, and our water pouring station has been an absolute favorite for our toddler. I have another table in our quiet room that has puzzles and ABC game boards. Even the coffee tables in our living room are learning stations. With posters on top, books underneath, and little chairs or a little couch to sit in, they are great for eating or doing projects.
Coffee Table Learning Station
Magnet Station at the Little Homemade Table
Write On Wipe Off Station at the Little Table
Indoor Water Pouring Station
Ophelia Stacking Letters at a Coffee Table Learning Station
4. Tips for Creating Learning Stations
When I create learning stations around the house, I want them to be interactive, fun, engaging, and have some element of learning. The simplest learning station might be some ABC games on a coffee table, and a more complex learning station might be a box with dry beans, cups, and shovels for some fine motor skill work. I like to place small chairs or stools next to the table so that the children can sit if they’d like. I find that my older children like to sit and the younger one likes to stand. When she stands, it’s just the right height!
Ophelia is Standing and Coloring at this Little Coffee Table Learning Station
Ruby is Sitting and Writing at this Little Coffee Table Learning Station
Some other things the kids have enjoyed as a learning station are puzzles, stacking cups, markers and coloring books, dry erase boards and markers, board games, themed books, and more. To help me organize materials for these stations, I save our Amazon boxes and label them with white stickers. Basically, anything I have a lot of can become a station. For example, we collect all birthday, Christmas, and any other type of cards we get in the mail and save them in a little box called “Cards”. The kids love reading through them all.
5. Create Stations on the Floor That Facilitate Imaginative Play
Right now, all of our children are five and under, so they all pretty much can enjoy the same toys. One of their favorite things to do is to play with little houses and figurines. These are things I have picked up at garage sales and thrift stores over the years. They love using their imaginations to bring their characters to life and have them interact in these different scenarios. At times, I play with them to give them some ideas for what their characters could do, but this is something where their imaginations take over and they could play alone or with each other for hours. I like to organize the different baskets of characters that we have a lot of and keep them in different rooms. So for example, you’ll find baskets of dinosaurs, My Little Ponies, and big robots separate from the rest. Check out my blog: 26 Learning Centers for a Homeschool Preschool Environment to see more examples.
6. Create a Dress Up Station for Role Playing
I also like to use closet spaces for stations as well. The kids LOVE our dress up station. I am always hitting up thrift stores around Halloween to get the best costumes for our collection. I’ve also found some pretty good garage sales that were getting rid of a lot of costumes for $1 each. The kids especially love this little nook in this closest where I’ve hung all of our hats. Being able to display things attractively makes them that much more fun to play with!
Little Hat Station Tucked in the Corner of a Closet
7. Tips for Organizing Toys
Rather than having one big room for all of the toys, I like to spread them around the house. In doing so, part of each room is designated for both adults and children, and we can all enjoy ourselves no matter where we are! This also really helps with cleaning because I can get the kids distracted by a project in another room while I clean up the mess from the room they were just in! I very rarely buy anything new. I’m always looking for good baskets at thrift stores and garage sales to organize things and many things simply get housed in old Amazon boxes! When getting baskets for toys, make sure they are low. Kids only like to play with the toys they can see.
If things are buried, they will not get played with. Every toy has a home. I arrange all of the little houses and figurines in sets and keep them together. This requires a little sorting from time to time as things tend to migrate from room to room, but it is worth it.
8. Create Comfortable Reading Stations
Yes, we have a bookshelf, but it’s basically a storehouse for books. The baskets of books that I strategically place around the house are what actually gets used on a regular basis. I like to set up little chairs and baskets of books around the house to encourage reading at any given moment. I also like to put books by any beds in the house and near any couches. Whenever you sit down and get comfortable, it would just be the worst if you didn’t have something to read! I like to go through all of our books on a semi regular basis. This is a time when I can repair damaged books, re-shelf books that aren’t being read, arrange the books so they all neatly fit in the baskets with the covers facing out, and organize the books based on where the baskets are and who is reading them. (Check out my blogs How to Raise Children Who WANT to Read and How Children Really Learn to Read for more information about teaching children how to read. Also, check out my blog Oral Language Development…More Important Than You Think for some ideas about helping your child with one of the biggest precursors to reading.)
9. Use Your Walls
It’s more than just slapping a poster on the wall, it’s about creating a space on the wall where kids can interact and learn. I am constantly rearranging my wall space based on what they kids are interested in and what they interact with. If I have an ABC poster on the wall, and I never see anyone using it to say the ABCs, I will move it to a better location or change it out with something else. Sometimes, kids need to see what it looks like to interact with the walls and so I’ll sit down with them from time to time and we’ll look at things together.
Letter Magnets on the Fridge get Used all the Time
Flashcards Taped on the Dresser and the Wall
10. Rearrange As Needed
It’s not about getting the perfect set up and leaving it that way indefinitely, it’s about keeping things fresh, new, and engaging. When I see that an area or a station isn’t getting used anymore, I’ll rearrange it with something new. Sometimes just seeing things in a new configuration can be exciting. Especially during these long winter months, I know that I need to keep this indoor environment as exciting as possible. Every few weeks or so I like to find something to rearrange. It could be something simple like changing a learning station or moving some toys around, or it could be something drastic like moving the furniture from one room to another.
11. Why We Don’t Have a Playroom
I know that it can seem tempting to designate one room in the house as a “play room”, a place to keep all of the children’s things, a place where the door can be shut on the mess and hidden out of sight from company, and a place where the kids can go to create a mess. But there are several reasons why I disagree with this concept. First of all, part of creating an environment that stimulates learning is that I don’t need to be right there by my children’s sides as they play, learn, discover, and grow. But even though I don’t need to interact with them every single second, I like to be close by so that I can be there to give a gentle nudge when needed. I may need to solve a disagreement between siblings, help a child who is frustrated with a certain activity, be there at an opportune teachable moment to provide guidance, or assess what they are capable of doing independently as I think of new learning stations.
All Together in One Room
Having a playroom that is segregated from the other areas of the house may encourage you to be separated from your children more than you’d think. As much as it would be nice to just stay in the playroom and be with your children giving them your complete and undivided attention, I’m sure you’ve got stuff to do! As a busy momma with clothes to fold, dishes to do, a blog to write, and more stations to organize and create, I like to be near my children as they play, learn and discover while also tending to the things that I need to do. I love it when I can multitask by folding clothes while checking in on my toddler at her water station, putting the dishes away while helping my four year old with his Starfall game, and spelling words for my five year old as she writes a mini book while I prepare dinner. In addition, it’s not good for kids to hover over them constantly while they play. In order to learn how to be independent, they need to have independence in a guided situation.
In Conclusion
By creating an environment that stimulates learning and creative play, you will always have things to do at the drop of a hat. The other day, my oldest daughter’s school was suddenly canceled due to the weather. She had a blast staying at home going from one learning station to the next. It was so easy for me to keep her, my four year old, and my toddler all busy and engaged with different activities while I tended to the baby, prepared food, cleaned up, and guided each child along with their activities. To be honest, I was surprised at how much I got done and how engaged they were throughout the day. Putting in the time to create all of these learning and play stations really makes everything very manageable. With a little planning, a keen eye at garage sales and thrift stores, and some time set aside for organization, you’ll have your own independent learning and play stations ready to go, and you’ll be so glad you did!
Click here to read my blog about the importance of creative and imaginative play, and here to read my blog about Tools of the Mind, which is a preschool and kindergarten program that centers on play.
*Click here to see a video tour of our house. I’m always rearranging and changing things around, but you’ll notice all of the little play areas set up throughout the house.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Add-subtitle-text-2.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2015-02-21 18:24:452020-11-15 18:27:39How to Create an Environment that Encourages Independence, Creativity, and Learning
When it comes to parenting, I think one of the biggest challenges is the management of behaviors. My husband and I are constantly discussing and reflecting on how to raise our children so that they are obedient, respectful, and make good choices. By continuously discussing what is working and what is not, we can make sure that we are on the same page when it comes to handling misbehaviors.
From my experience and training as a teacher and now as a parent, I have come across some amazing resources that have helped me to shape my management philosophy.
Alfie Kohn – As a teacher, I loved his theories of cooperation and curiosity in the classroom and his emphasis on internal motivation rather than external rewards.
William Glasser – His choice theory which gives children a sense of power and his five basic needs that he says all children must have met (adapted from Maslow): survival, love/belonging/connection, power/significance/competence, freedom/autonomy, and fun/learning.
Love and Logic – The focus here is about being calm and in control, allowing children to make their own choices, and implementing logical consequences in order to guide and teach them.
Positive Parenting – We just listened to this amazing webinar and loved Amy McCready’s explanation of how kids need attention and power, how punishment (anything that makes kids feel blame, shame, or pain) leads to lying and revenge, how to implement consequences that are respectful, related, reasonable, revealed in advance, and repeated back, and how not to piggyback on a consequence by blathering on and on about how they made a poor choice.
Our Parenting Philosophy
My husband and I love our children so much, and we simply want what’s best for them both now and in the future. We want them to feel loved and cherished and know that they are the light of our lives, but we don’t want them to walk all over us. We want them to be respectful to us, to themselves, and to others. We want them to be ready to enter the world without us beside them, and to be as amazing to the world as they are to us.
We also believe that children are inherently good, and that the mistakes they make are opportunities for guidance rather than malicious attacks on us personally that we must make them pay for with punishments. This mindset is not always achieved in perfect balance as we are humans who make mistakes, but it is what we strive for.
How to Guide Children Towards Positive Behaviors
The following ten steps are what has worked for our family using the above mentioned resources as a guide with continuous reflection and adaption. I don’t think that there’s one cookie cutter approach to positive parenting. Whatever approach you take has to work with the dynamics within your household. The important thing is to have a plan in place. If you’re always winging it, it forces you to be reactive rather than proactive which can make for a very chaotic household. I highly recommend using this list as a springboard of discussion to then make your own list based on what works for you.
1. Basic Needs Must Be Met
Children (and adults for that matter) first and foremost need to have their basic needs met. Just making sure that this happens will minimize behavior disruptions right off the bat. If our children are exhibiting negative behaviors, the first thing we do is check to see if one of these needs haven’t been met. At the same time, if we find ourselves quick to anger and working with a short fuse, we check to make sure OUR basic needs are being met too.
Love (Lots of cuddles and attention, not being super busy trying to do a thousand things all the time)
Power (Giving them choices and making them feel like they have some control over their lives)
Freedom (Allowing them the autonomy to exert their free will when it’s appropriate)
Play (Making sure that they have plenty of time for imaginative play)
Learning (Providing them with challenging activities and stimulating experiences)
2. Choice Theory Gives Children Power
It can be a little tricky trying to meet a child’s need for power without feeling like your power is being compromised. That’s why we love using choice theory with the little things so that they fill their “power buckets” so to speak. By letting them choose what to wear, where to sit, what game to play, and so on, it makes them feel like their opinions matter and they have a say in what happens. Then, when we need to make choices that aren’t negotiable, like “Time for bed!” it doesn’t feel like we’re the only ones with the power.
When using choice theory, you’re not asking open ended questions like, “What would you like to eat for breakfast today?” You’re picking two options that both work for you like, “Would like waffles or pancakes for breakfast?” In doing so, you’re not compromising what works for you in order to meet their needs. Truth be told, you’re not really giving them as much power as it feels like they’re getting, but that’s the beauty of choice theory!
Choice theory can work really well as a way to get things moving along within the structures of a routine too. Just make sure you always provide two choices that you can live with. If you want your child to put their pajamas on for example, ask them, “Would you like to wear the snowman pajamas or the owl pajamas?” That way, when they choose to wear the snowman pajamas, they are buying into the next step of the bedtime routine in a way that gives them power and choice. We like to use this strategy a lot as a way to distract them from emotional meltdowns as well.
3. Tell Me What I Can Do, Not What I Can’t Do
My husband has a wonderful strategy for intervening whenever the kids are fighting over something and he overhears a negative comment like, “Don’t play with my cars!” He steps in and says, “Tell your sister what she CAN do, not what she CAN’T do”. This inevitably leads to the one demanding a change in behavior to really think about what the other child can do instead. Sometimes it’s giving them some other toys to play with and sometimes they establish a way for the other child to participate in their play.
This also works really well as a reminder for us as parents that we shouldn’t be telling children what NOT TO DO so much as we should be showing them what TO DO instead. For example, you’re on a road trip and you hear a loud whiny voice in the backseat, instead of shouting, “Stop making that sound!” you could instead say, “Use your words”. Kids react in the moment based on what they are feeling, and if we want them to behave differently, we have to show them what that looks like.
4. Minimize Behaviors with Distractions
Many behaviors can start to bubble up when kids are tired and hungry and it’s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve for getting through these tricky times.
Positive Encouragement: Instead of saying, “Put your pants on right now!” say, “I wonder if you can put your pants on by yourself now that you’re four years old? You can? Good job! I’m so proud of you! Daddy come in here and see what he did!” Sometimes when we assume a positive outcome, we get a positive outcome.
Redirect: By directing their attention away from the thing that is making them frustrated, you can help children to move more quickly onto the next activity and hopefully avoid any conflict. Let’s say that your son is starting to whine about putting his coat on, don’t spend time trying to convince him that it’s cold outside and he needs his coat, just start putting it on and as you do talk about where you are going and get him excited about it. You might say, “When we go shopping, I’ll let you pick out one treat. What do you think you’ll want, a treat or a toy?” (Did you notice the choice theory in there too?)
Humor: Use a funny voice, make a joke, be super silly, just do whatever it takes to get over the little roadblock.
Game: Sometimes when our children get a little reluctant about heading upstairs to go to bed, I’ll say, “Let’s count how many stairs there are. How many do you think there will be?” Or we’ll say, “Last one up is a rotten egg!” My brother’s girlfriend Mae Belle told us this great trick for getting kids to brush their teeth. Her mom always told her and her siblings that their eyes changed color when they were ready for bed. So of course they wanted to rush right to the bathroom mirror to take a look. Once they were there looking at their pupils growing smaller in the bright lights of the bathroom, it was that much easier to get them to the next step of brushing their teeth. I love this!
Song: Make up a silly song about what you are doing or sing your child’s favorite song to distract them. This works especially well with songs that your child likes to sing along with. (The Eensy Weensy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, If You’re Happy and You Know It…). I love using this during diaper changing time. I sometimes like to pause before the last word of each line so that my child will fill in the blank.
Listen: Sometimes, children just need to be heard and by listening – really listening to their problem, we can help talk them through it. Sometimes we think we know what the problem is, but we’re totally off the mark. For example, at school the other day, my daughter appeared to be not following directions as my mom popped in to visit her class, but upon further questioning, she learned that she was trying to do the task perfectly (cover all of the black space within a circle with white shreds of paper in order to make a snowman) and when she talked to her about doing her best instead of being perfect, she was as happy as can be!
Timing: My Aunt Sue told me a good one the other day about how she would always time her boys as an incentive to get them to do something like go to the bathroom, get dressed, or do some other kind of chore. They would be so excited to see how many seconds it took them to get it done!
5. Minimize Behaviors by Being Calm
If your child is just starting to misbehave or has a minor transgression, you can escalate things and make them much worse by doing the following.
Getting Angry and Yelling: By letting them get to us, we can get sucked into the situation and respond with anger which leads to frustration and yelling. Your child is already angry and frustrated, so piling your anger onto the situation might feel good (or inevitable) in the moment, but it’s certainly not going to make the situation any better. The last thing you want to do when your child is yelling is to yell, “Stop yelling!!!”
Using Sarcasm: A child who is crying and throwing a tantrum does not need to hear you mimic them to show them how ridiculous the tantrum sounds. You are the adult and you need to guide them out of this behavior, not by shaming them into a better behavior, but through patience and love and being the change you want to see.
Lecturing: I honestly cannot think of any situation where any lecture in the history of the world has ever worked on any child in any circumstance. Ever. Period. I mean, think about it, you’re angry, upset, emotional, and feeling perhaps a little guilty over your actions. Sure, it’s one thing to hear a simple, “That’s not okay, I do not want to see you _______ again.” But to go on and on and on about how the action was wrong, how it hurt others, how it hurt you, what they should have done instead, how you’re so disappointed, and so on is not an effective method for getting them to change their behavior. The best thing to do is to keep your guidance short. If you really want to talk about it, wait until later, but seriously, keep it short then too. Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes hearing an endless tirade about how wrong they were.
6. Minimize Behaviors Using a Stern Voice
I do not advocate for yelling, ever, but there is a difference between an angry, whiny, sarcastic or loud voice and a stern Mommy or Daddy voice that says, “I mean business”. Save this voice for when you really really need it. This will ensure that it is most effective. We use this voice when our children do something in the moment that is just totally not okay. For example, when they hit someone, when they are about to run into the street, when they throw something spitefully on the floor, or when they say a bad word. Without missing a beat, we say, “_______, that is not okay! It is not okay to hit people!” If the offense warrants, we’ll bring them close to us or we’ll move away from that location and on to something else.
The problem I see parents having with this strategy is that they don’t commit to it. They start off with a kind of soft, mumbled, “Oh no, that’s not okay,” but it’s hard to hear their voice as they trail off. You have to say it with confidence and it has to be loud, not yelling, but loud, and very stern. It has to mean business and be ready to not take any excuses. In the best case scenario, the child is shocked out of their bad behavior, realizes the importance of the rule, and everyone can simply move on. If not, however, or if the child immediately does it again, then consequences must be implemented. I’ll get to that in a minute.
7. The Importance of Routines
There are lots of routines that we go through in a day/week/month, but the two most important times of our days are the morning and bedtime routines. We work hard to work out routines for both of these times that works best for everyone. If we start to encounter any rough patches during these times, we don’t make a big deal about it and just get through it however we can. Then later, we talk with each other about what made things rough and adjust our routine in order to help things run more smoothly the next time. The important thing about these routines is to be as consistent as possible. If you’re in a hurry, don’t skip bedtime stories to try to rush things along. Instead, read shorter stories or only spend ten minutes wrestling instead of twenty.
8. Establish Rules
By establishing rules, children will have clear expectations about what is okay and what is not okay before a misbehavior occurs. When establishing family rules, you don’t want to make a list of every minor transgression that might occur, but rather think of the big ideas that you want to permeate the choices your children make. A big idea like “Be Respectful” encompasses so many other things like using your manners, treating others with kindness, using positive words, and so on and is much better than listing all of those examples individually. It’s also best whenever possible to word rules using a positive voice rather than a negative. Maybe one or two that are really important or have become an issue like, “No throwing things” or “No hitting”, but you don’t want an entire list of “what not to dos”.
Here are our rules. We spent time making this chart together with the kids and talking about it. I drew little pictures of examples for each one. The kids thought they were just hilarious, but it really helped them to understand what they meant. Talk to your spouse about what rules work for you and let the kids add their input too. One thing I LOVE doing with rules is role playing. So for the rule about obeying I’ll say, “Now pretend that Daddy just asked you to go to bed. Show me what would NOT be okay.” They have so much fun shouting NO, stomping away, and saying mean things to Daddy. Then I ask them to act out what a good example would look like and then we talk about the differences.
Rules Chart
My husband and I reference the first rule (Obey) most of all. Before we made our rule chart, my husband and I noticed that the biggest problem we were having with our children had to do with listening. We wanted them to obey the first time we asked them to do something without having to cajole and coddle a response or action out of them. We find ourselves saying, “What’s the number one rule?” more often than any other rule. The “Show Respect” rule encompasses lots of things like saying “please” and “thank you” and being kind to each other. Our kids came up with “Share” rule and we like to remind them of that too! The throwing rule was a special one we had to add just for our son who for some reason became obsessed with throwing things in the house.
Rules are different from jobs. Jobs are what each family member contributes to the family unit and when children are clear about their jobs, they are clear about what is expected of them. I also like to talk to them about what our jobs are as parents and they enjoy seeing that even babies have jobs to do!
Family Jobs Chart
9. Implementing Consequences
When I thought about writing this blog, this is where I thought I would start, but then I realized that there is so much more that goes into behavior management than just dealing with the misbehaviors. By doing everything mentioned above, you will have created an environment that does not encourage misbehaviors. But even still, rest assured that they will occur! We have to expect that they will occur and look for times when we can guide.
That being said, there’s an ebb and flow to implementing consequences. Sometimes you’ll find yourself implementing them a lot as your children push to see where the boundaries are, but they should not be a part of your regular everyday life. If you are constantly experiencing misbehaviors and doling out consequences, you really need to look at the root cause for why this is happening and make adjustments in your routines, time, attention, or whatever else is bothering your children.
Have Clear Expectations: By establishing the rules before a behavior occurs, children will have a good idea of what is expected of them. It’s much easier to behave when there aren’t any surprises about what is allowed and what isn’t.
Misbehavior Occurs: Ask yourself, “Is this a behavior that they KNOW is wrong or is this a gray area?” Let’s say for example that it’s time to go somewhere and you ask your child to put on her shoes and she either ignores you or says “no” when she KNOWS that the number one rule is to obey, then it’s time to move on to step number three. Now let’s say that she comes home after the first day of school and throws her backpack and coat on the floor. You have never talked to her about the expectations for what to do with these items so you might say, “When you come home from school, I expect you to hang up your coat and backpack. Now, tell me, what are you going to do when you get home from school.” You should not implement a consequence for something that they weren’t sure was expected of them. Now, if she comes home from school a few weeks later and throws her coat and backpack on the floor after doing it correctly for weeks, it’s time to move on to step number 4.
Choose Your Battles: Decide if this is the best time to teach a lesson or not. If their basic needs have not been met, you altered the routine, you were not clear on expectations, or you are feeling particularly angry, these are all good examples of when you might want to let the behavior go and make an example at another more appropriate time.
Give Them a Choice: Whenever a misbehavior occurs, I think it’s important to give children a choice before moving on to a consequence. By giving them a choice, you’re providing them with the power to choose what is right for themselves; you are not making them do it. So for example in the shoe scenario, you could say, “You need to obey me when I tell you what to do. Now, you can either put your shoes on, or I can do it for you.” That is really a very minimal consequence, but for children who are motivated to do everything themselves, it can work really well!
Counting to Three: This is sometimes more effective than giving a choice. You just have to be careful how you use it and how often you use it. Now, I’m not talking about saying, “3, 2, 2 and a half, two and a quarter, two and an eighth, I’m serious, 1…one half, one quarter…0.” I mean, saying, “I’m going to count to three and by the time I get to 0, you’d better be putting your pajamas on or else you’ll have a consequence.” As soon as you start saying “3”, they should be moving. Say the numbers quickly and be ready to follow through immediately. You may have to follow through on this a time or two before it really becomes effective.
Logical Consequence: Try to implement a consequence that is fitting to the misbehavior. Let’s say that with the shoe scenario you get to the point where you need to implement consequences, an example of an illogical consequence would be to take away her ipad for a week whereas a logical consequence is that she loses the freedom to put on her shoes. Logical consequences should be easy to come up with based on the situation you are in. A logical consequence for them not picking up their toys would be to take the toys away for the rest of the day, a logical consequence for not turning off the ipad when you ask them to is that they lose the privilege of playing it for the rest of the day or the next day, and a logical consequence for hurting someone is hugging them, saying sorry, and making them feel better.
What About Spankings? We grew up getting spanked and turned out just fine (or did we?), but a new meta-analysis of research of 160,000 children over five decades shows that the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents and to experience increased aggression, anti-social behavior, mental health problems, and cognitive difficulties. We used to think that a little bit of spanking was okay, but we don’t spank at all anymore, and our children are very well behaved.
What About Time Outs?Time outs are a form of punishment just like spankings, that assumes that the child is intentionally being bad and deserves to be punished for this bad behavior instead of redirected, guided, or instructed on how to get through the difficult situation. Sometimes children choose to walk away from a situation that is frustrating and may even choose to go to their rooms to cool off (as parents, we might choose to do this as well if we feel like our emotions are taking over a situation), but that is different from isolating a child as a punishment for bad behavior.
Follow Through: Now, once you say that you’re going to give a consequence, you have to immediately follow through with it no matter how much they whine or protest. The biggest mistake people make with consequences is that they make a consequence that they really don’t want to follow through with. Let’s say for example that you’ve planned a big outing to the zoo. You’ve got snacks, diapers, toys, friends are meeting you there, and you have the whole day planned out. But then right after you’ve purchased your tickets, your little one starts to throw a tantrum because they wanted the monkey crackers not the hippo crackers and you say, “You need to stop that right now or else we’re going home.” So now if your child doesn’t stop the tantrum you will have to go home, and honestly, that’s more of a punishment to you. So first of all, make sure you are prepared to follow through with the consequence. In fact, when you present it, just expect that you will have to follow through with it. Start mentally preparing for what you will do when you have to implement the consequence so you will be ready to act right away. In tantrum situation, maybe a better solution would be to take your child away from the group to decompress and figure out the motivation for the tantrum. Are they hungry? Tired? Overwhelmed? Sometimes a good cuddle and some reassuring words can work wonders.
Move On: After you have implemented the consequence, you may say one quick little thing like, “I hope that next time ___________ happens, you’ll make better choices.” And that’s it! You do not want to spend a lot of time lecturing them at this point. Just let it go and move on.
Don’t Repeat the Consequence to Elicit a Behavior: Moving on also means that you still need to move on from the behavior, and if you just gave a consequence because little Johnny wouldn’t put his pajamas on, you still need him to put his pajamas on. You really have to use your judgement on this one. He may be obedient enough to just start putting his pajamas on, but if not, just do it for him. The worst thing you can do is to start counting again and implementing consequence after consequence. This will only make the child progressively more hysterical and it will only make you angrier and angrier turning you into a big bully doling out punishments relentlessly. As you’re putting his pajamas on say, “I hope that tomorrow when I ask you to put your pajamas on, you’ll make a better choice and put them on right away.” And then tomorrow, awhile before bedtime, you can ask him, “What are you going to do when I ask you to put your pajamas on tonight?” Guiding children towards positive behaviors takes patience and time. It doesn’t happen immediately or even overnight.
Be Consistent: If one day you’re totally fine with them spending hours on the ipad (maybe because you needed to get a few things done) and then the next day (when you’re all caught up on everything) you suddenly you get angry for them being on it too much, this inconsistency can confuse children. If having them limit their ipad usage is really important to you, then explain that to children beforehand and follow through with the limited use. And if on occasion, you want allow them to spend hours on the ipad, at least explain that this is a special occasion.
Hugs: You might not be able to do this right away if your child is emotional and still coming down from a meltdown. But at some point following the incident, find the time to hug your child and say I love you. You want to let them know that it’s the behavior you were displeased with not them.
10. What to Do When You Lose Your Cool
To expect that you’re never going to get mad and lose your cool is absurd. Just expect that it’s going to happen from time to time. We are all human and we all make mistakes. As long as yelling and getting angry isn’t your “go to” strategy for dealing with misbehavior, and as long as you realize and acknowledge that you made a mistake, everything will be fine. It’s actually good for kids to see you make mistakes, especially when you can talk to them and say something, “I’m sorry I got mad and yelled at you. I was just getting really frustrated when you wouldn’t listen to me. What I should have said instead is ________. Can you forgive me?” If you do this, you model to them what they should do when they get angry and make a mistake.
In Conclusion
The most important thing to keep in mind throughout this entire process is communication. All of this means nothing if you cannot share your expectations with your spouse and be on the same page. If Daddy tries to implement a consequence, but the kids know that Mommy won’t uphold it, they will learn you to play the two of you against each other. You both have to talk often about what is and isn’t working for your family and be willing to revise your behavior management plan as needed. You also need to clearly communicate with the children what your expectations are of them. They will thrive in an environment where their actions elicit predictable results while you and your spouse can enjoy more peace and harmony in your home.
**Update: I wrote this blog 9 months ago when we were having some behavior management troubles. We weren’t on the same page, there was too much yelling, and our children’s misbehaviors were a problem. After watching McCready’s webinar and discussing and revising the blog numerous times, we finally had a shared vision and a plan. It took months and months of us working together to finally implement this plan successfully, but wow, what a difference! We are not blindsided by misbehaviors anymore and we both deal with them calmly and consistently which has led to a much more peaceful household.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Add-subtitle-text-4.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2015-01-21 07:41:052020-11-20 19:04:03Guiding Children Towards Positive Behaviors
The most important thing to do with your children isn’t teaching them the ABCs, developing their oral language, teaching them how to read, or instilling manners or math skills. And while these things are important, they mean nothing without this…your love, your presence, your undivided attention…YOU.
I’ll do anything for my kids, and I want them to grow up knowing that I’ll always put them first – not with just my words, but my actions too.
Now, putting them first doesn’t mean that I put myself or my marriage second – because children need a happy mother, a happy father, and parents who love each other.
Married for 7 Years with Two Children
What it means is that I don’t want them to feel pushed aside because I needed to clean the house, work on my blog, or go on a date with Daddy. I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that they are top priority and that I’d do anything for them.
Putting them first means that I will teach them things that will prepare them for the future and challenge their minds, that I will be there to set boundaries and hold them accountable, and that I will provide them with nutritious food and teach them how to make healthy choices. But most importantly, I will hold them.
When they come to me with open arms, I will drop everything to squeeze them tight. I will hug them, cuddle them, smooth their hair, and scratch their backs until they pull away from me to go play. I will fill their tanks with so much love that they will have the confidence to be away from me and still wear my love on their sleeves.
Married for 9 Years with 4 Children
When children feel loved, they can take on the world. It gives them confidence, strength, and the ability to love others. It makes them feel important and like they matter. Having parents who love them is what gives children their wings.
This is what that love looks like…
1. Hug, Kiss, Snuggle, and Cuddle
With four kids five and under, I have my hands full! I am constantly busy doing dishes, laundry, preparing food, setting up learning stations, writing, and any other number of things. Lately, I’ve realized how much I have to prioritize because it seems that I can never completely tackle my “to do” list.
That being said, cuddles, hugs, kisses, and snuggles always take a top priority, especially when I can tell that my little ones need me. Even if I’ve just started making a batch of sourdough muffins or I finally found a time to sit down and write, I will stop whatever I’m doing to drop down and give a hug, or go to the couch and read a book, or just rock them on my lap and smooth their hair.
Even when my kids are happily engaged and playing and I’m elbows deep in chores, whenever I see a little body race by, I do not hesitate to scoop it up in a big bear hug and smother it with kisses, or give a head scratch, or a little back rub.
I do not take these moments for granted. I know that they will only be little once and so I kiss their chubby cheeks, snuggle up on the couch with a pile of books and silkies, hug them tightly, and cuddle them close whenever I can.
2. Say I Love You Often
Sometimes, we tend to not say the things that are implied as often as we should. It might seem obvious by your actions that you love your children, but I think that they still need to hear you say it many many times every single day. It shouldn’t be something forced that you say on the hour, but whenever you feel it well up inside of you, just say it!
Whenever you find yourself completely in awe of this life that you carried inside of you, that shared a body with you, that you nursed, cuddled, and rocked through so many things – whenever you get an ache in your heart because you can literally feel it growing with love, about to burst with joy, say it out loud! Tell them exactly how amazing they are and how complete they make you feel.
3. Play
My kids have these amazing imaginations and play these crazy intricate imagination games with little figures and houses, building toys, or dress up clothes. my husband and I love getting on the floor with them and introducing new ways of play. Sometimes we’ll show them a new scenario and other times we’ll just follow their lead.
They need their tanks to be filled with love before they are ready to go and play on their own. One of our favorite things to do is to just play together. It’s an honor to be let into their worlds and it’s an insight into their brains and a little glimpse as to what is going on inside.
4. Tickle, Wrestle, and Fight
Every night before bed, my husband wrestles with all of the kids, and it is pretty much their favorite part of the day. It motivates them to drop whatever they’re doing and put their pajamas on so that they can race into the bedroom to fight their dad. He loves it too, and it is so cute to see them roughhouse and play. I’m a little better with the tickles than the wrestling.
I know how to find just the right tickle spot…under the neck, behind the knee, or right on the belly! The kids love interacting with their grandpas through wrestling and fighting too. I think that wrestling is a very important part of the expression of love.
5. Listen
When you listen, and I mean really listen, you stop talking, you pause, you wait. With little children who don’t have the biggest vocabulary, it can be easy to speak for them and to supply an endless stream of chatter to make up for their silence. But when we learn how to slow down, stop talking, and really listen, we can hear so much more. If we get down to their level and get into their world they will open up in ways we couldn’t imagine.
6. Arrange Your Time
I know that we all have a thousand things to do and a million places to be, but we can make our lives as peaceful or as hectic as we want them to be. Trust me, we have gone through five moves and made some major life changes in the last five years so that we could be where we are today.
When we had our first child and I came back into the classroom after an amazing 12 week maternity leave, a mother said something that really stuck with me. She actually wasn’t my student’s mother, but his grandmother who had taken custody of him and we were chatting about me being back at work. I said that of course I would love to be at home with my daughter, but I explained that I made more money than my husband and we couldn’t survive on one income. I explained how we didn’t have a choice, but even still, she said to me sweetly, “You can never get that time back.” How rude of her to say, I thought. Doesn’t she know my situation?
Now that I’m staying home with my next two children and I see them throughout every single moment and milestone, I mourn for the time that I wasn’t with my first two while they were in daycare and I was juggling too much. We have worked hard to make our children a priority and it is a decision that I don’t think we will ever regret.
In Conclusion
There are a lot of things that I like to blog about pertaining to how kids learn, how to use food as our medicine, how to use the best parenting strategies, and my journey into motherhood, but nothing, absolutely NOTHING is as important as what I’ve covered in this post. Yes, all of the things that I write about have helped to bring our family to its current state of happiness, but the number one priority above all is love. It’s about giving your children all of you, the best you, the real you, and it’s about enjoying every moment in the moment and realizing that these sleepless nights, endless cuddles, and constant companionship represents but a fleeting time in our lives that we should embrace.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/embracing-motherhood.com-16.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2015-01-16 11:51:322024-06-09 16:42:57My Number One Priority As a Mom
After having problems establishing a breastfeeding relationship with our first three children, I discovered what a lip tie was. After having our fourth child, I finally learned what a tongue tie was. Had I known about these two conditions from the very beginning, it would have made things a heck of a lot easier! This is the information I have gathered doing extensive research, talking to experts, and through my own experience. This is the information I wish I would have had with my first child from day one and what I would like to tell anyone else who is going through the same thing.
Let’s Talk About Frenula
Frenula is the plural form of frenulum. A frenulum (also called frenum when in relation to the upper lip) is a small fold of tissue that secures a mobile organ in the body. The maxillary labial frenum is the membrane that attaches the gums to the upper lip and the lingual frenulum is the membrane that attaches the base of the tongue to the floor of the mouth.
When a baby is growing in utero, the tongue starts to develop at about 4 weeks. By 6 weeks, the frenulum cells attaching the tongue to the floor of the mouth begin retracting from the tip of the tongue increasing the tongue’s mobility. Disturbances during this stage cause ankyloglossia, or tongue tie. The tip of the tongue will continue to elongate after birth which is why some people believe that the tongue will “stretch” with age and growth, although that is not the case.
Look at Your Frenula
Before going any further, I suggest that you look in a mirror and lift up your upper lip. You may notice a stretchy piece of tissue hanging out up there, and you might even be able to feel it with the tip of your tongue. You may also feel nothing. Next, lift up your tongue and look for the stretchy piece of tissue lying underneath. Move your tongue around and notice the range of motion you have. Then try sticking your tongue out. Notice how far you can stick it out. Can it go down the length of your chin or up to the tip of your nose or does it barely leave the confines of your teeth? After you explore your own frenulums, examine your spouses. The two of you will probably be much more willing participants than your children, and it will give you a good insight as to what to look for since genetics will probably play a role in the type of frenulums your children have.
Are the Frenula Causing Problems?
The mere existence of frenula does not constitute a problem, it is when they are so restrictive that they prevent breastfeeding from occurring that is a problem. When the frenum of the upper lip or the frenulum of the tongue start to cause problems, they are referred to as lip ties and tongue ties. If there is a lip tie, there is probably a tongue tie also, but a tongue tie does not necessarily indicate that there will be a lip tie.
What is a Tongue Tie?
Being tongue tied is medically defined as having ankyloglossia, which is caused by having an unusually short or thick membrane under the tongue that is attached abnormally close to the tip of the tongue and causes restricted movement of the tongue. People with more severe cases of tongue tie cannot stick their tongues out very far beyond their teeth.
Baby Julian’s Tongue Tie
This can cause breastfeeding problems with babies and speech problems as they get older. As an adult, the worst of the lingering effects are typically the inability to French kiss properly and the inability to lick an ice cream cone. Here’s a great 2 minute video describing what tongue tie is, the symptoms associated with it, and what it looks like to get it removed using the scissor method.
What is a Lip Tie?
Having a lip tie occurs when the membrane under the top lip is unusually thick and attaches under the gum line. It is not as common or severe of a diagnosis as being tongue tied, although it does have its own host of problems. I’ve read that severe lip ties will usually correct themselves by the time a child reaches adulthood due to tripping and falling or any other number of accidents that can lead to the lip tie being torn, but Dr. Kotlow, a leading expert in tongue and lip ties, believes this is not the case. He explains how if a severe lip tie is not corrected, “it can lead to dental decay on the upper front teeth, gaps (diastemas) between the two front teeth, orthodontic or periodontal problems later in the child’s oral development, and poor lip mobility or function, especially during smiling and speaking.”
Baby Julian’s Lip Tie
Other resources that I’ve looked at say that once all of the permanent teeth come in, the gap may just fix itself. Here’s a great 2 minute video describing what a lip tie is, the symptoms associated with it, and what it looks like to get it removed using the scissor method.
Classifications of Tongue and Lip Ties
Although you cannot diagnose tongue and lip ties by looks alone, it’s a good place to start. One of the first things to look for to see if your baby is tongue tied is to see if your baby’s tongue makes a heart shape when he or she cries. This is a tell tale sign that it is being tethered too tightly to the floor of his or her mouth.
One of the best ways to look for a tongue tie is to lie the baby on his or her back on your knees with his or her head facing towards you and his or her feet facing towards your knees. Then, tilt the baby’s head back and stick your fingers underneath the tongue to elevate it. You can also get a pretty good look when he or she is crying. To look for a lip tie, look to see if the top lip flanges out while nursing. You can also simply lift up the top lip and look.
These pictures below have been compiled by Dr. Kotlow, one of the most renowned pediatric dentists, known for his skill at correcting tongue and lip ties. He comes highly recommend by Mommypotomus who also has a great blog about tongue ties. You’ll notice that there are many different classifications.
Symptoms of Tongue and Lip Ties
Looking at the symptoms related to tongue and lip ties is actually the best way to diagnose them. So here are a list of symptoms to look for in both mom and baby that could be the result of tongue and/or lip tie.
Symptoms to Look for with Mom
Nipple pain and/or erosions
Nipple looks pinched, creased, bruised, or abraded after feeds
Frustration, disappointment, and discouragement with breastfeeding
Weaning before mom is ready
Tired momma, from being up in the night every hour for feeding night after night after night
Symptoms to Look for with Baby
Poor latch and suck
Unusually strong suck due to baby using excess vacuum to remove milk
Clicking sound while nursing (poor suction)
Ineffective milk transfer
Infrequent swallowing after initial let-down
Inadequate weight gain or weight loss
Irritability or colic
Gas and reflux
Fussiness and frequent arching away from the breast
Fatigue within one to two minutes of beginning to nurse
Difficulty establishing suction to maintain a deep grasp on the breast
Breast tissue sliding in and out of baby’s mouth while feeding
Gradual sliding off the breast
Chewing or biting on the nipple
Falling asleep at the breast without taking in a full feed
Coughing, choking, gulping, or squeaking when feeding
Spilling milk during feeds
Jaw quivering after or between feeds
Symptoms I Had: With our fourth baby, Julian, I was not getting very much sleep because he was up every hour or two (or sometimes every 30-45 minutes) to nurse. And when I would nurse him, I wasn’t able to just lay down and nurse, I had to either sit up on the edge of the bed or in the rocking chair to help him latch on. My nipples weren’t really sore (after four babies, they got pretty tough), but he was rolling the nipple around in his mouth and falling off the nipple repeatedly. When he would nurse, there was a noticeable clicking sound from his inability to form a secure latch. He especially had trouble maintaining a latch during my letdown and he would sputter, choke, and pop off the breast. He would also fall asleep mid feed and as a result he didn’t fully drain the breast. This led to me getting plugged milk ducts (which I massaged away after applying a hot compress and drained completely using a breast pump), and I believe that this is what led him to have a lot of green poops (from not getting enough hindmilk). He was also taking in a lot of air during feedings which resulted in him being gassy, needing to burp and fart a lot, and getting the hiccups. When he had gas (which was often), he would get really fussy and squirm, wiggle, and grunt…even in his sleep. He would also puke a lot, but he also would nurse a lot, so weight gain was not an issue. Finally, at his six week checkup, the midwife noticed that he was tongue tied. Once I started researching the symptoms, it all made sense.
Temporary Relief
If you are waiting for a corrective procedure or trying to decide if you will get one, the following strategies may help to provide some temporary relief.
Stretch the Lip Tie – To help with stretching out both Ophelia and Julian’s lip ties, I would put my finger under their upper lips and roll up. I tried to remember to do this before every feeding. To help them latch on, I would have to grab my breast and angle the nipple down, wait until they opened their mouth, and then torpeedo my nipple in there! Once they latched on, I would sneak my finger under their lips to flange it out. By the time they were three months old, I didn’t have any problems with their lip ties anymore.
Sitting Up and Leaning Forward to Nurse – Getting a good latch is difficult enough as it is, but when you’re dealing with a lip and/or tongue tie, it’s even more challenging! This seems to help.
Burp Often – Because they are taking in a lot of air, it can help to burp during a feeding by either patting their backs or putting them up on your shoulder. I would also try to angle their bodies to make them more upright while nursing. Also, keep burping periodically even long after the feeding.
Hold to Sleep – Now, I’m a really light sleeper, so this works well for me, but it can be dangerous, so use this strategy with caution! What I do is prop a big tower of pillows in a U-Shape around me for support. Then I sleep with pillows propped under my arm and my head leaning against a pillow. When we sleep, I hold his upper body upright and about every 3o minutes or so when he gets fussy, I would pat his back, bounce, and rock him until he calmed down. We are six weeks after the procedure and Julian is 3 months old, and I still actually hold him while I sleep every night. I think I’m just used to it now!
Belly Band Over the Boobs – You know that thing that you put over your pants when you’re pregnant so that you can leave your pants unbuttoned as your belly grows? Well, I pull that over my breasts because my nipples are just so dang sensitive. It’s a much more comfortable alternative to wearing a bra at night and makes it easier to nurse too.
Air Time – Putting breast milk on my nipples and just walking around without a shirt on felt good. (I just had to remember to close my curtains!)
Options Moving Forward
You have several different options depending on your specific situation. You will want to consider the following: the problems you’re having breastfeeding (If it’s not causing any noticeable problems, I would recommend leaving it alone.) the availability of a skilled practitioner in your area or your capability of traveling, your financial situation and insurance coverage, the age of your child (over 6 months is almost too late), and so on. Here is a list of the next possible steps.
Wait and See – If your symptoms are not that bad or if you feel like they may be caused by something else (a poor latch, strong let down, flat nipples, etc.) you might want to take a wait and see approach. Dr. Kotlow however. strongly advises against this for a lip tie because he does not feel that it will get better with time. But with Ophelia and Julian’s lip ties, I saw that they did, although they were not extremely severe. It was really hard to get a good picture, but you can kind of see Julian’s below. It attaches below the gum line and was kind of tight at first, but seemed to stretch out over time. (Sorry about your nose buddy.)
Best Time to Act – Keep in mind that the younger the child, the easier it is to deal with this procedure. Once you go through with the procedure, not only will your child have to physically heal, but he or she will have to learn how reuse his or her tongue based on the release and the new muscle use related to the increased mobility. The best time to get a procedure done is before the child is 3 months old, and really, the younger, the better. Usually, when the child is over 6 months old, the doctor won’t do the procedure in the office, and it will have to be done in the hospital with anesthesia.
Pediatrician’s Opinion – We did not need a referral to get an appointment with a specialist, but you might, and this would be a good place to start to learn about your options. Just keep in mind that some pediatricians are not familiar with tongue or lip ties or worse yet, might not believe in them and make you feel silly for even asking. We took our fourth baby, Julian, to see his pediatrician because we had no idea where to even start. She said, “Yup, that’s a tongue tie!” and suggested that we see an ENT for a frenectomy (also known as a frenulectomy, frenulotomy or frenotomy – which is the removal of a frenulum). When he cries, you can see the heart shape of the tongue and how it is tethered to the floor of his mouth.
ENT – That’s an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist in case you didn’t know (I didn’t). Some people feel like this is the best place to go for getting a tongue or lip tie procedure. For us, we needed something close that was in our network, and this was the only option. We had to pay $45 for the office visit and we were quoted that the procedure would be $450, but six weeks later, we have yet to get a bill. (Maybe insurance is covering it after all?)
Pediatric Dentist – Some people feel like this is the preferred specialist for this procedure. I think that it all depends on what is most convenient for you. If you can travel and money isn’t an option, then you might have the freedom to research all specialists nationwide and find the best of the best.
Scissor Method – This is the most common way of doing the procedure, and what we did with Julian. Depending on the severity of the tongue tie, a topical and/or local anesthetic may be used, the membrane may be clamped to stomp blood flow, a nurse (and you if you can handle it) will hold the baby down, the nurse will prop up the tongue with q-tips or some other tool, then the doctor will go in with one or two snips, and then he or she will then cauterize it with silver nitrate if there is a lot of bleeding. When Julian had his cut, I was really shocked by the amount of blood, but the doctor assured me it was normal. He breastfed right after the procedure and the bleeding stopped after a few minutes. (His next poop was pretty black from all of the blood he swallowed.) There is a concern with this method that the doctor won’t cut enough (I’m sure it’s scary going into a little baby’s mouth like that with a pair of scissors, especially if they are screaming!) and there won’t be a full release, but we did not have this problem.
Laser Method – Some say that the laser method is superior because it can penetrate through more of the tissue for a more complete release and immediately cauterizes the wound, but it is not easy to find someone who will do this. (It takes a steady hand and a lot of skill.) Here’s a list of nationwide providers that will do the laser method.
Questions to Ask – If you have several options within your area, it might be a good idea to ask some of the following questions to narrow your search such as: 1) How often have you done this procedure? 2) How often do your patients come back for a revision? 3) What is the procedure like? 4) What are your thoughts on the scissor method versus the laser method? 5) What do you recommend for aftercare?
After Care
After the procedure, some say that doing exercises to help the muscles learn what they are supposed to do and to make sure the tongue tie doesn’t reattach and scar tissue doesn’t form is absolutely crucial. I personally felt that my son would strengthen his muscles by nursing and that the wound would be given sufficient time being stretched every time he cried. (I mean, I wish I could soothe him perfectly so that he never cried, but that has yet to happen.) To be honest, I felt like he had been through enough and I could tell he was in pain when I tried to do the exercises, and I just couldn’t bear to put him through any more. I can see how the lip tie would reattach if the lip continued to not to flange out while nursing, but I can’t imagine that the newly detached lip wouldn’t flange out. At any rate, you may want to rub a finger over the wound periodically to ensure that it doesn’t reattach.
Typically, babies feel discomfort for the first 24 hours after the procedure. Older babies and toddlers will typically feel discomfort for the first 48 hours. Breastfeeding and skin to skin are the best first lines of defense. Arnica is a good natural method for pain relief, or there’s acetaminophen (dosage should be given based on the child’s weight not age). Ibuprofen should not be given to children under the age of 2 months and topical numbing ointments containing benzocaine (Orajel/Anbesol) should not be given due to health risks.
After Julian’s procedure, he was in a considerable amount of pain for the first 48 hours. I ended up giving him some acetaminophen every couple of hours for the first two days and then periodically after that as needed. The wound was white for about the first 10 days and then it looked pink again. They say that with a successful tongue tie revision, you should be able to see a diamond shape. It was really hard to look under Julian’s tongue to see if this was the case but I could tell things were better based on our nursing relationship.
The Ideal Diamond Shape After a Tongue Tie Release (Photo credit: Ghahri, 2014)
We are now 6 weeks past our frenectomy date and I feel like I am finally noticing a difference. To be quite honest, he improved ever so gradually, that it was hard to notice on a daily basis, but when I reflect back to the way things were 6 weeks ago, it’s really a night and day difference. The clicking went on for some time until it finally faded away. He still pops off the breast during my let down from time to time, but that could just be due to my really powerful letdown. He is sleeping better and best of all, I am able to nurse laying down! He still wakes up to feed every 2-3 hours, but that is WAY better than every 45 minutes! At first, I really questioned whether or not getting the procedure was worth it (holding him down screaming, the needle under his tongue for the local, and the blood spurting as the doctor cut all we’re absolutely brutal), but now I am definitely glad we did it. I think that maybe we would’ve had a better experience had we found a pediatric dentist who could do the laser procedure, but that just was not an option for us.
Body Work
Some people recommend chiropractic or CrainoSacral Therapy both before and after the procedure to help release the muscles needed to nurse. CranioSacral Therapy (CST) is a gentle, hands-on approach that releases tensions deep in the body to relieve pain and dysfunction and improve whole-body health and performance. In her article, CranioSacral Therapy: When Can It Help, by Dee Kassing, BS, MLS, IBCLC, she states that,
“If there is misalignment and imbalance of the skull bones, this can affect the function of the palate, tongue, and other structures of the head. This can cause the palate to be too high or uneven, or the facial muscles to be too tight. Imbalance of the structures of the head, as well as trauma from the birth process itself, can cause constant irritation to the nervous system. This constant irritation may also cause hypersensitivity, which can sometimes be the underlying cause for babies who gag and cannot accept anything in the center or back of the mouth.”
We took Julian to get some CST before his tongue tie release when he was about 5 weeks old, and while it didn’t make breastfeeding better per sae, it changed him in both subtle and powerful ways. He always seemed to be just a little bit fussy, and afterwards he was SO CALM. I would definitely recommended CST for every infant after birth (But that’s another post!). I kept meaning to take him for some post CST, but the timing just never worked out. It is definitely something I would recommend to anyone getting a frenectomy. To find someone who does CST, you can call chiropractic offices that specialize in infants and see if they recommend anyone.
Happy Julian
More Personal Stories
Like I said, all of our children have had either a tongue tie, lip tie, or both. Too bad I didn’t learn about what they were until recently.
Ruby – Looking back, we had a very rough start to our breastfeeding relationship, and now I know that it was due to her having a lip tie. She couldn’t get a good latch, she was constantly popping off the breast, she would spit up A LOT, she couldn’t drain the breast and had green poop, she took in a lot of air while nursing because of the constant on and off and as a result she was very gassy and fussy. Now she is five years old and has a noticeable gap between her front teeth. And sure enough, when we lift her upper lip, there’s a lip tie. It doesn’t seem to be too serious, however, and we are hoping that the gap will close when her permanent teeth come in. If not…braces!
Elliot – Looking back, I can see that I had a lot of the same problems with Elliot that I have had with Julian. I just had no idea about tongue or lip ties at the time! I nursed Elliot until he was 18 months old, but had to wean him (before either of us were ready) because it was just too painful. Now, he is four years old and has some speech problems. He cannot say the /r/ or /l/ sound and has trouble with the /c/, /g/, and /th/ sounds. We had the ENT look at him when we were there for Julian’s appointment and he said that he definitely had a tongue tie, but that it wasn’t bad enough to warrant surgery. We have decided to just work with him on correctly pronouncing his letter sounds and hope for the best.
Ophelia – Our midwife pointed out that she had a lip tie right away even though I had no idea what that even was at the time. Per her advice, I worked on stretching it out as she suggested and flanging her lip out when she nursed, and it never really became a problem. When her baby teeth came in, there was no gap in between her top front teeth.
Julian – I noticed that he had a lip tie right away, so I was able to stretch it out and it wasn’t really an issue. I asked our midwife to look at it during our 6 week visit, and she discovered that he was actually tongue tied. And that is when all of this research began. Full circle.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Add-subtitle-text-1.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2015-01-12 10:47:552024-06-16 06:59:01How to Identify and Deal with Lip Tie and Tongue Tie
I love moisturizing my skin with nourishing creams and lotions, but the more I have been learning about living a healthy lifestyle, the more I have been learning that what you put on your body is just as important as what we put into our bodies. When we eat food, it is processed and filtered through our digestive system, but when we put things on our skin, they are absorbed and enter the bloodstream without any filters. When I realized this, I knew that it would be important to start really looking at the ingredients in all of my skin care products. Something else I learned is that there are no FDA regulation for beauty products. This means that there’s really no way to know if companies are being truthful in their labels.
There are many different recipes for body butter but the best recipe will basically have a ratio of 25% liquid oil (almond oil or jajoba oil) to 75% solid oil (coconut oil, shea butter, cocoa butter, etc.). I’ve linked to some of the Amazon ingredients I’ve purchased, but I really love going through Bulk Apothecary for all of my wholesale needs. They have excellent products at a great price. I like to get everything organic, but they have some great naturally refined products if you’re looking for something without the odor.
*After learning about the health benefits of each oil and butter, I would like to create another recipe that calls for less coconut oil, a little more cocoa butter, and a lot more shea butter. Shea butter is the least clogging and the best for your skin. Cocoa butter is really good too, but coconut oil really clogs pores. Plus, it is always makes my skin feel really dry and itchy. After using the above recipe, I feel like my hands were even drier than when I started. I would also like to make one recipe with whipped butter and one without whipping it for more of a salve. I will post an update!
**Update: I made One with only cocoa butter, shea butter, almond oil, and olive oil (because I ran out of almond oil). I didn’t whip it very much, and it hardened quite a bit and was too hard to use. So I gathered all of it up from the jars again, threw in just a handful of coconut oil, and whipped it up really well again. I still feel like it made my skin a little itchy, so maybe I’m just really sensitive to coconut oil. I’ve read that jojoba is the best oil for the skin because it most resembles the bodies natural oils. So the next recipe I make will have jojoba oil, shea butter, mango butter, and aloe vera. I also want to try and get the deodorized brands because I’m not a big fan of all the different smells. I will update when I make it!
Directions:
Melt everything (except the essential oils) in a double broiler. (If you don’t have a double broiler, you can put a glass canning jar into a pot with an inch or two of boiling water or you can do what I like to do which is to place a glass bowl on top of a boiling pot of water because it’s easiest to mix that way.)
Put in the freezer for about 20 minutes. It should start to harden.
Use a hand mixer and beat until there are peaks (about 10 minutes).
Add desired essential oils.
Put back in the freezer for about 10 minutes to stiffen up (if necessary) before putting into small glass storage jars.
Notes:
Why Shea Butter? Raw, unrefined shea butter is rich in essential fatty acids, antioxidants, minerals and vitamins A and E. It has a creamy color and a distinctive and somewhat unpleasant smell. It is widely used for its moisturizing, anti-inflammatory, and anti-aging properties. It also won’t clog your pores like cocoa butter and coconut oil.
Why Cocoa Butter?Raw, unrefined cocoa butter is rich in essential fatty acids, minerals and antioxidants. It’s been claimed to help reduce stretch marks and help with sensitive skin issues like eczema because it contains cocoa mass polyphenol which has been shown to thwart cancer, prevent cardiovascular disease and ease arthritis. It also has a nice chocolaty aroma.
Why Coconut Oil? It is anti-microbial, anti-fungal, and antioxidant, the medium-chain triglycerides present in coconut oil deeply penetrate the skin for great moisturizing, it screens 20% of the ultraviolet exposure, and it has vitamin E to aid in my recovery of skin damage such as burns, cuts, scars, etc.
Why Almond Oil?It is loaded with antioxidants, essential fatty acids, and vitamins A, B, and E. It has a light and less greasy feeling to it. Jojoba oil can be a great carrier oil too. It has a shelf life of five years versus almond oil’s one. But it is more of a wax and creates a barrier on the skin that doesn’t really penetrate. Plus, it costs five times what almond oil does.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Add-subtitle-text-5.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2014-12-24 17:22:112024-06-06 14:01:51How to Make Whipped Body Butter
Giving birth is an amazing, spectacular, and tremendous journey. You’ve waited nine months to meet your precious angel and during that time, you’ve probably thought nonstop about what the birthing experience would be like. Then it comes and goes, and you’re sort of left in shock. It feels completely surreal to physically hold your baby earthside and it takes awhile to get used to not being pregnant anymore. This time after giving birth is a very special time. Here are a few things I’ve learned after having four babies in the last five years about postpartum recovery.
1. You Only Get One Chance to Recover
If you don’t recover correctly the first time, you’ll end up having to re-recover and it doesn’t get any easier the second, third, or fourth time around. Your body has been through A LOT! You just grew a human life inside of your body, then you worked tremendously hard for a really long time to push that baby out of your vagina (or went through abdominal surgery to get it out), and now you are going to be taking care of this tiny human by making it food from your breasts. It is very important to view this postpartum recovery time as sacred, important, and necessary.
2. Have a Babymoon
I know that there’s an extreme excitement after you give birth, and you want to share your new bundle of joy with the world, but the world can wait. This time is sacred and it is for you, your partner, and any other children that you have. Before you invite over everyone under the sun to come and meet the new addition to your family, give yourselves some time to adjust.
No matter how much you read about it or talk about what it will be like, nothing can fully prepare you for how your lives will change until you experience it. If you allow yourselves a few days to a week to figure things out, it will give you a tremendous amount of confidence as you enter life with this new little person. We really adhered to a week long babymoon with our first two, but with number three and four, it was nice to have some help with the older kids while my husband and I rested.
3. Have a Support System in Place
You will need someone to take care of you after you give birth, so make plans for this, and let it happen! As women and as mothers, sometimes we tend to take care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves, but if you do this now, you will pay for it later. You will first and foremost want to rely on your husband. You honor him by allowing him to take care of you during this time. Make sure he knows how to run the house beforehand, and speak up about what you need. My husband has always been fortunate enough to be able to take a week off from work (a month with our first child) after I gave birth. After he went back to work, I arranged to have help from other family members.
4. Be Prepared for Things to Run on Autopilot
Before you give birth, I’m sure you will do plenty of nesting, just know that this is a very important phase! You’ll want to have everything set up for the baby, of course, but you’ll also really appreciate it if your house can kind of run itself while you recover. The first thing you’ll want to do is make sure there’s enough food stocked in the house. You might want to get some help from family and friends to have some freezer meals ready to go. In the last few weeks before birth, when I’m making something like meatloaf, I’ll make extra and freeze it to use later. Some people like doing sign up sheets for meals to be delivered after birth too.
If you have other children, think about arranging your house so that they have plenty to do on their own and with your husband or other helpers while you recover. I always like to get the other kids a gift for after the baby is born. With the new baby getting so much attention, this makes them feel special and it gives them something to do. Play-doh has been a real hit with our kids, but you could also do some kind of arts and crafts or game gift. Really, anything that will occupy them for awhile.
5. Be Prepared to Let Things Go
You might have a really high standard of cleanliness around your house (like me), but after your baby is born, you will need to let that go (Phew!). Get used to the idea of dishes piled up in the sink, toys on the floor, and unvacuumed floors, and know that you’ll get things back to things being neat and orderly soon enough. If you ferment food like sourdough and kombucha, be prepared to set all of that aside for a bit. Also know that if you have other kids, it won’t kill them to eat mac n’ cheese and hotdogs for awhile while you recover. If you homeschool, plan on taking a month off. Your kids will be just fine if you watch a bunch of educational videos for a while (or so I’ve heard).
6. Getting Sleep
You and your baby have just been through a lot, and you both need to sleep and recover. In my experience, however, during the first two nights, my babies have slept great, but not me! I am always so full of adrenaline and excitement. That in addition to the fact that I just can’t stop looking at my new little one and checking constantly to make sure they are still breathing. But even though I have found it hard to sleep, I always try. Just do your best to stay in bed as much as possible for the first few days.
7. Drink Plenty of Fluids
You’ll need to drink plenty of fluids as your body prepares to make milk. You will start out making colostrum at first to give your baby marble sized amounts of food at first, and then after a few days your milk will come in. It’s best to drink filtered water out of a glass container. If you drink out of plastic, you risk passing phthalates on to your baby and baby boys are especially susceptible to their negative effects. Phthalates can also cross the placenta, so it’s good to get in the habit of drinking out of glass while you’re pregnant too.
8. Eat Good Nourishing Food
As you are recovering, it is so important to fuel your body with healthy nourishing meals and snacks. Make some plans to have good food stocked in your house, frozen meals in your freezer, meals delivered from friends and family, and a few take out menus nearby “just in case”. After birth, I enjoy recovering by drinking plenty of raw milk, pastured eggs with lots of butter, grass-fed beef, pastured chicken, wild caught salmon, organic soaked rolled oats, and lots of fresh organic vegetables. Check out my recipes section for more food ideas.
9. Stay in Bed
Try to stay in bed and rest as much as possible during the first few days. Then, try to continue resting like crazy for the first week. If you can stay off your feet as much as possible during the first 4-6 weeks, and then ease back into things gradually gradually after that, you will be much better off in the long run.
10. Watch Your Blood
Use your bleeding as a guide to see if you’re taking it easy enough. You will probably bleed pretty regularly for the first two weeks, but after that you will see the blood lessen and darken in color. If you notice an increase in blood and it’s bright red, know that you’re pushing it too much. When your placenta detached from your uterus, it left a big gaping wound. This wound needs to heal and it heals best when you don’t move too much.
11. Enjoy It
This is not a time to “get through”, it is a time to soak in and enjoy. You are finally getting to meet your new little person, and this is a time for the two of you to really bond, get to know each other, and fall in love. I just love staring at my babies, stroking their soft skin, and cooing sweet nothings to them while they look at me with their quizzical expressions. I recommend writing down your birth story, taking lots of pictures and videos, and jotting down your feelings during this magical time. You will enjoy remembering and sharing these moments with your children when they are older.
In Conclusion
You only get one chance to have postpartum recovery, so make it a good one. The sooner you take care of yourself and allow yourself to recover, the sooner you will be back in action and ready to face the world again.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Untitled-design-7.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2014-12-13 06:27:182018-05-19 13:45:06Best Advice for Having a Peaceful Postpartum Recovery
Keeping the house clean with one or two kids can be a little extra work, but when you have four children five and under and one of them is a new baby, it can be especially challenging! After our fourth child was born, I wasn’t even sure if it would be possible to keep the house tidy enough for my type A personality, but lo and behold, I found a way! This is how I do it.
1. Have an Organized System
I am very mindful about where I put certain toys and how I organize the children’s playthings. I love using baskets and boxes to sort and organize things so that similar toys stay together. I have baskets for the little figures used with the castles and treehouses for imaginative play, bins for cars, blocks, and train tracks, tables with trays of paper and pencil boxes of markers for arts and crafts, baskets with books in every room, and places for all of the stuffed animals.
Everything is strategically set up to encourage play and in a way that’s easy to manage and clean. If I notice that a particular set of toys is creating a huge mess but not utilizing a lot of play time, I’ll either reorganize it or pack it away for another time. Rather than having one “play room”, I have found it beneficial to have out just enough toys in each room. I only keep out what gets used.
Organized Toys and Books
Organized Bins of Toys
2. Make Sure Everything has a Home
I know that it’s the little things that add up and make my house feel cluttered. Every single toy, book, and marker needs to have a home or it will end up as clutter somewhere. So when I see some dolls, cars, or magazines laying on the floor, I ask myself, “Do they have a home?” If not, it’s time I found them one! I like to keep a TINY bowl on the counter for little things that need to be put away. That way I’m not running around every time I find a little hair tie on the floor. But once that little bowl is full, it’s time to put the contents away.
3. Spend Time Organizing
The key to keeping everything looking neat and tidy on the surface is to keep everything neat and tidy behind the scenes. This means that when I open up the cupboards, I can easily find my canned beans, AA batteries, and a light bulb for the night light. This also means that when I open up a drawer, I’m not searching through a pile of junk before I can find a paperclip, a pad of paper, and a working pen.
Whenever I have a hard time finding something, I know that it’s time to do some serious organizing! The bonus is being able to get rid of some of the clutter in the process. I am always throwing out things that are too junky or not being used anymore. I will save a few things if I KNOW that they will get used in the future (like hand me down clothes and baby toys from the older kids), but I am very careful not to pack things away “just in case”. Things that get packed away and forgotten just add clutter.
4. Every Time You Move, Move Something with You
I try not to leave a room, pass by a mess, or stoop down without picking something up in the process. For example, if I’m sitting in the living room and I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll pick up all of the cups and drop them off in the kitchen. On my way back, I’ll pick up the random toys on the floor and put them on the counter. The next time I walk by the counter, I’ll pick up the toys and drop them where they go. If I don’t have time for that, I’ll at least put them in my pocket to put away later. I love working in layers and cleaning little bits here and there until the job is done.
5. Clean Every Room You Are In
Instead of having a designated cleaning time, I like to just clean as I go. At the end of the day, there is always a mass pick up and put away time, but I like to minimize that as much as I can throughout the day. When I wake up (or more like when my baby wakes up), I make my bed. It doesn’t have to look perfect, I just make it look decent. When I get the toddler up, I make sure her crib is tidied up. When I’m playing with the kids on the floor in the living room, I’ll pick up the stray toys and arrange the pillows on the couch. It only takes me a few minutes here and there, but by the end of the day the house is in fairly decent shape.
6. Distract the Kids
I love waiting until the kids have moved on to another project before sweeping in to clean up a messy room, because there is nothing more frustrating than cleaning a room that continues to get messy. I also don’t really like the kids to see me clean. I like them to think that things just magically go back to their spots! But seriously, I think that if they see me cleaning, they expect me to clean up their messes, but if it’s just done, they don’t really think about it. It’s also a bit frustrating to clean one room to perfection only to find that the next room is completely destroyed.
To ensure that this doesn’t happen, I like to make sure that the kids are engaged in a non-messy activity in another room (even if it means parking them in front of a TV for some educational programming for a bit) while I get everything cleaned. I know that it can seem like a good idea to leave their toys out “in case they want to come back to play with them”, but from my experience, they have way more fun making a new mess rather than delving into an old one!
7. Keep a Mental List of Things To Do
Time is precious, especially with four little ones, and I try to make the most of every minute. One thing that helps me is keeping a mental checklist of the things that I want to get done. When I’m sitting there nursing my baby, contemplating the moments of freedom that I’ll have when he (hopefully) naps for anywhere between 30 minutes to 3 hours, I start to think about all of the things that I want to get done. Even if I know that I’ll only realistically get to one or two items on my list, I still like to think about items three through five that I might be able to get done if I have the time. That way, when the time comes, I don’t waste any time on hesitation.
8. Prioritize the Messes
Once I accept the fact that not everything will not get done on my to do list, I reduce my stress level by at least half of one percent. 🙂 When I’m faced with messes and chores of gargantuan proportion, I know that at any minute the baby will start to cry or someone will want to cuddle, and so I have to choose what things are the most important and what things I can let go of. If the living room is completely trashed and the kids are playing quietly in the next room, then the living room might take top priority. But if lunch time is approaching and the kids are starting to get a little cranky, I know that cleaning the kitchen and preparing lunch must take top priority.
9. Keep a Visible Checklist of Big Projects
I love keeping a white board and dry erase marker on the fridge and keeping a running checklist going of the big and little projects that need to get done around the house. This is especially helpful for my husband on the weekends so that he can see what things need to get done without me telling him what to do. It’s also nice for anyone who visits too. When people come over, I put them to work! 🙂
10. Let Some Things Go
When my husband and I were a couple of DINKS (dual income no kids), we would do all of our major cleaning on the weekends. We would scrub the toilets, wipe down baseboards, vacuum the house, wash the sheets, clean the windows, dust the furniture and a whole list of other ridiculous things. But now we have learned what things are important and what things we can let go of. Our number one priority is keeping the kitchen clean and the house tidy. Everything after that is a bonus. Sure, we clean our sheets, it just might only happen a few times per year. 🙂
11. Spread out the Big Cleaning Projects
Now, just because I don’t clean my toilets every day doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate a clean bowl! It’s just that instead of cleaning them every Saturday, I just clean them when they are getting so disgusting I can’t stand it anymore or if I know that company will be coming over soon. 🙂 I do the same thing with vacuuming, dusting, windows, and any other cleaning project that I don’t tackle on a regular basis.
12. Kids and Cleaning
My four kids are five and under, so at this point, I don’t have any huge requirements for them to clean. From time to time when the mess is small and manageable, and I am there to support them, I will enlist their help. For example, if we’re not in a rush to go anywhere and there’s a basket of dinosaurs on the floor, I will say, “Can you help me put these dinosaurs away?” Then I’ll make it fun by making them talk and say things like, “Please put me with all of my friends, I’m so tired and I want to take a rest! Oh thank you!” But for the most part, I believe that it is their job to play and my job to clean and organize. Gasp! Can it be true???
I believe that if I were to make my little children clean up every single mess that they made that it would:
a) Take forever and never be done to my specific liking
b) Discourage them from making a mess in the first place which is part of the learning process, and
c) Encourage them to become mini adults instead of curious, imaginative, and playful children.
Because I keep things so organized and tidy, my children are accustomed to everything having a place and I see that they prefer it that way. They don’t usually make a mess just for the sake of making a mess, and if they do, I hold them accountable. The cutest thing was seeing my four year old put away his new toys after his fourth birthday. He had received a big dragon and some robots and he said excitedly, “I know where these will go!” and he proceeded to put them in the big bin with all of the other robots and dragons. This is exactly what I had hoped to encourage! And I didn’t have to beg, cajole, threaten, or punish in order to get it done. 🙂
In Conclusion
Having children has changed my standard of clean, and I couldn’t be any happier! I love the messes, and I love my job as master organizer. In order for my mind to be able to function and think about bigger things, I need to keep my home neat and tidy. I know that some people may have a higher mess tolerance than me, but in the end, it’s about what works best for each mama. I know that when my kids see neat tubs of organized toys, they are way more purposeful and engaged than if there was a big messy pile of chaos, and this is what creating a clean environment is all about.
https://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/embracing-motherhood.com-5.png400810Stacey Maaserhttps://embracing-motherhood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EM_Logo.pngStacey Maaser2014-12-09 11:37:082020-11-20 19:06:44Keeping the House Clean with Four Young Children…Is it Possible?
Measurements: 7 lbs 8 oz, 21 inches long, 13.5 cm head circumference
Julian William Maaser
Pregnancy
I always love being pregnant…especially in the beginning. Just knowing that a new life is growing inside of me is so magical and wonderful, and I love thinking about the new little person who will change our lives forever. But this pregnancy seemed to bring on a few more stressful situations than the others. With this being my 4th pregnancy in 5 years and being 35 years old, I all of a sudden was in a higher risk factor bracket. Plus, welcoming a new little peanut into an already full household and busy schedule made me want to plan everything out perfectly in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed or depressed after the birth.
Family Photo at My Midwife Appointment
The beginning of the pregnancy went so smoothly that I kept forgetting that I was pregnant. Things would settle into a really nice rhythm and I kept feeling like saying, “I’m ready to get pregnant again…oh wait, I already am!” It made me so happy to know that for the first time since having children, we wouldn’t have to move again. We were so excited to welcome a new baby into our new home, and we spent my entire pregnancy doing one project after another getting everything just so.
We found a wonderful midwife near the Amish community where we get our milk and when she noticed that I was measuring 4 cm ahead of my weeks, I started to wonder if it could be twins. So we scheduled an ultrasound and it’s so funny how when you just start thinking about something that could be, it all of a sudden starts to become a reality in your mind, especially if it’s something that you’re afraid of. I cracked a double yolk that morning and then found two baby mattresses at the thrift store…of course all signs that I was certainly carrying twins.
Scott didn’t think he’d be able to make it, so Andrea rode with me to the ultrasound, and we chatted the whole way there about what it would be like to have twins. Scott met us there after all, and when we found out that it was only one baby, we were kind of sad. But then the relief sank in about only needing to nurse one baby, be up in the night with one baby, soothe one baby, and all of a sudden one baby seemed easy in comparison! With the last two pregnancies, we didn’t have any ultrasounds and never found out the gender, but with the answer being right there in front of us with this baby, we couldn’t refuse. We wanted a boy soooooooo bad that we were afraid to find out, and when she said it was a boy, we just about cried we were so happy! Elliot would have a little brother and our “girl, boy, girl, boy” pattern would be complete.
Julian’s Ultrasound
Unfortunately, the ultrasound also revealed that I had a low lying placenta, so we knew that although unlikely, placenta previa which would mean an automatic c-section was a possibility. We didn’t worry about it too much though until I had some bright red bleeding at about 34 weeks. At that point, we scheduled another ultrasound and we were sadly informed that the placenta was touching the cervix. As we started discussing the ramifications of this, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to have the homebirth that I had wanted so badly and that it could very well mean that I would need a c-section and somehow have to recover from major abdominal surgery while also taking care of 4 little ones…two of which who need to be put to bed upstairs…
But then, a miracle happened and as my bladder filled, the ultrasound technician realized that the placenta was actually quite far from the cervix. Phew! There were a few other concerns with my placenta such as significant calcification, a heterogeneous presentation with many “lakes”, and the lingering concern over the blood that we couldn’t seem to explain.
So we scheduled a meeting with an obstetrician and he was able to explain in clarifying detail what he saw in another ultrasound that he performed in his office. He said that there were also “lakes” or pools of blood in my uterus (from having so many babies so quickly) and that that would explain why the technician thought that the placenta was touching the cervix. He also did a cervical exam and determined that a blood vessel in the cervix was likely ruptured, which explained the blood loss. We had been most concerned about placental abruption, which could mean hemorrhaging and death during delivery, so we were very glad to clear that up.
We were so happy that we would still be able to plan a home birth and we continued preparing for our sweet little boy to enter our lives. At 35 weeks, I started to really notice my Braxton hicks contractions, and I became concerned that I wouldn’t be able to meet my due date. I started researching “babies born at 35 weeks” and we talked about how if he came early, we would just have to go to the hospital and do the best we could.
Elliot Helping the Midwife at My Checkup
When I was 37 weeks, I was so glad that I had made it technically to “full term” and as I noticed the Braxton hicks increasing, I continued to try to take it easy. I knew that every day in the womb was worth three outside, and I wanted our little boy to be able to grow as much as possible before he was born. Besides, we had WAY too much to do before he came and we needed the time to finish all of our projects!
Every day I kept thinking that he would be coming any time and Scott kept reminding me that I say that with every pregnancy. 🙂 So, I reread my birth stories, and sure enough, I have said that with every pregnancy! I guess I just kind of start to panic a little bit in the end. I know that I want to be able to take the time to recover after the birth and so I want to know that everything I could possibly think of is done so I can rest assured. That in addition to the fact that it takes me awhile to mentally psyche myself up to go through the labors of labor. A part of me just wants to get it started so I can get through it and get the last uncomfortable stages of pregnancy over with, and another part of me feels like I’ll never be ready! Ophelia had been trying to cut her bottom eye teeth for months and she kept waking up in the night, so I didn’t even want to think about the baby being born before her teeth came in.
When we were at the midwife appointment two weeks before my due date and she started making plans for our next appointment ON my due date, I only half-heartedly made it thinking that there was NO WAY I would last that long. But sure enough, my due date came and went and still no baby. Every morning I excitedly thought, “This could be the day!” And then when night time came around I became worried and thought, “I’m not ready yet! We’re too sick, too tired, there’s too much to do!”
Reading to Ophelia and Elliot
But then four days after my due date (and one day before my original due date – based on the date of my last period rather than the ultrasound’s diagnosis), things began to happen.
Early Labor: Out and About
It was a Thursday night in the middle of November, and winter was coming much too fast. We knew that it was our last evening of mild weather, so Scott and I moved all of our yard furniture, toys, etc. closer to the house in preparation for the early nights and blowing snow. I had really been trying to take it easy because every time I walked too much or exerted a lot of energy, I noticed that my Braxton Hicks contractions would increase. But I just really wanted to get this last project done, so we pushed through it. “I’m probably going to put myself into labor now!” I told Scott. And sure enough…
For the past few nights, I would feel contractions intensify in the evening after putting the kids to bed, but then they would die down as I slept. So after all of our moving on Thursday night, I wasn’t surprised to feel them again. I slept peacefully that night until about midnight and then they started to become too painful to sleep through. So I got up to make sure everything would be ready if I DID go into labor. Ruby still needed her lunch prepared for the next day, I needed more sourdough muffins, another batch of kombucha, the mirrors were streaked, there were dirty dishes, and of course I needed to get some coffee ready for the next day.
After awhile, Scott came into the kitchen groggy and excited, “Is it happening?” he wondered. “Maybe, maybe not” I said unsure. While he was there, I got on my hands and knees and he really rubbed on my lower back and the back pain that I had been feeling for weeks finally melted away. I think that our little boy was in a somewhat of a posterior position and we must have helped him to turn and descend into a more optimal position. I shooed Scott off to bed and stayed up for a few more hours getting everything ready. Finally, at 5 a.m., I went to bed and the contractions died down while I slept.
I was up at 7 a.m. to help Ruby off to school and once her and Scott left, I called my mom to tell her that even though I wasn’t feeling contractions at the moment, I had felt them pretty intensely in the night and that things would probably be starting again soon. She had already planned on trying to work from home that day and so she said she would be there at about noon to help out just in case.
The evening before, Scott started feeling really sick, and I knew that he would need his strength to take care of me and our family during my labor, so I strongly encouraged him to take the day off and rest. He came home from work, reluctant to take the day off when he wanted to save up as many days as he could for after the baby was born, took a bunch of herbal “get well” pills and slept all morning long.
I sent a Facebook message at 10:00 a.m. to my midwives to let them know that things were starting to happen. With Ophelia’s birth, I had started feeling contractions for her in the morning, things got intense by noon, and I told my midwives that she would probably be born at 7 p.m.…she was born at 7:20. But this time around, there wasn’t any time that I felt comfortable making a prediction about when the baby would come. About 6 weeks prior, however, I had written on the calendar that I thought he would be born at 10:59 p.m. on November 15th. With that prediction, I was less than 2 hours off.
So anyways, while Scott slept, I took Ophelia and Elliot to the thrift store to get Scott a really cool coat that I had seen earlier. I was starting to have contractions that were definitely more than Braxton’s, but not enough to stop me from moving around. It was half off toys day and Elliot loaded up on his favorite toys of all…little figurines of superheroes, fighters, and the like, and Ophelia got a cool little ferris wheel/merry-go-round toy. I got Scott a really cool winter coat and one for myself as well, plus an amazing white chair that would be great for our dining room.
I was about to drive 40 minutes to get our milk on my own, but I was relieved when I called my mom and discovered that she would be there soon. I really wanted to be able to get milk and go to Meijers before labor kicked into full gear, so I was really driving fast, passing everyone and speeding quickly to get it all done. Elliot and Ophelia enjoyed getting out of the car with us and playing in the barn as I filled up our 8 gallons of milk. My mom helped me to carry them to the car and we just laughed about doing all of this work during early labor! It was so fun to have my mom there with me and I really enjoyed chatting with her on the drive. We both agreed that staying busy during early labor was so good because it doesn’t make you feel like a watched pot and get too nervous about what’s to come.
Getting Milk at the Amish Farm During Early Labor
When we got home, Scott was feeling well rested and much better, and we decided to pick up Ruby early from school (2:00 p.m.) and try to head to Meijers. Ruby felt so special to have us both there to pick her up and she said that if the baby was born in the car, he could have her coat to stay warm.
After we dropped Ruby off with my mom and got about one third of the way to Meijers, contractions were picking up and becoming too intense for me to feel comfortable being out and about. So we turned around and went to Vics, the local grocery store, instead. While we were picking out cheese and sour cream, my midwife Laurie called us to see how things were going. The store was really busy and it was fun trying to talk quietly about my mucus, cervical dilation, and pain level. Contractions were about 5 minutes apart, lasting for about 35 seconds, and intense enough to make me pause, but not too strong to talk through.
Pre Labor: At Home
I told my midwives that when I got home and started to relax, things would probably start to move quickly. I don’t know, I just kind of assumed that with the fourth baby in five years, things would just progress rapidly, but they never really did. The entire labor was just slow, easy, manageable, and calm…just like our little boy would be.
So Scott unloaded and put away the groceries, my mom had just pulled out a fresh batch of my sourdough muffins from the oven, and the kids were all playing quietly throughout the house. I started putzing around slowly folding laundry, checking on the kids, tidying up the house, and walking around. During contractions, I would just sway back and forth, but they still weren’t getting very intense. In the picture below, I was leaning against a chair to get through a contraction when Elliot climbed on my back to “help” me, and if you look at my face, he actually did!
Elliot Helping Me During a Contraction
After giving everyone a bath, we all got the kids dressed in their snowpants and headed outside for a fire in the early November snow. My mom kept saying that she was going to lay down for a nap, but there kept being one thing after another that kept her on her toes. I even put on some slippers, coat, hat, scarf, and mittens, and rolled my ball out by the fire.
Hanging Outside During Early Labor
Scott unpacked my birth kit and made our bed with the plastic and extra sheet and we got ready for things to progress. I started hanging out in our bedroom a lot. Scott drew a nice warm bath with music and soft lights, and I enjoyed relaxing in the tub for awhile. I kept trying to check myself, but for some reason, it was really hard to tell what was going on. After the bath, I told the midwives that I couldn’t be dilated more than 4 cm. There was also some more blood that came out, but I think it was from the placenta, not the mucous plug. I’m not really sure that I ever lost my mucous plug during early labor, maybe I lost it awhile ago???
The first midwife assistant, Julie, arrived and hung out with us by the fire. We turned on the back porch lights since it was completely dark, and the kids enjoyed playing on the slide and eating snow. It was such a fun distraction to keep busy during early labor. When I bounced on the ball during contractions, I could hardly feel them.
I was getting so excited about the impending action, but also a little anxious wondering when things were going to get going. Julie reminded me to keep eating and drinking water and I suddenly remembered I hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, so Scott brought me a plate of chicken and mashed potatoes. That food gave me instant energy, and I could feel my contractions intensify almost immediately!
When we came inside at 7:00 p.m., I realized that things probably wouldn’t be happening until after the kids went to bed, so we moved all of the birth supplies to the new birth location…the living room. I set up a bunch of candles over the fireplace and Scott got my Enya/Joshua Radin mix going on the tv. We got the kids in their pajamas, and I enjoyed watching them do their nightly wrestling in our bedroom.
After that, Scott brought my ball upstairs and we were able to pretty much go through with our normal bedtime routine. Scott cuddled up with Ruby and Elliot and read them three books. I read Ophelia a few of her favorite books and when I felt a contraction, I would sit and bounce on my ball. When Scott brings Elliot to his room to read him three more stories in bed, I usually read Ruby three more stories in bed while Ophelia reads to herself, but on this night, my mom read Ruby a whole bunch of poems from A Light in the Attic and I was able to take Ophelia downstairs to put her to bed.
After I kicked my big ball down the stairs, I was a little worried about managing my pain during contractions while I read Ophelia stories. But I just kicked the ball into our room and things seemed to stall out just long enough to have her sit on my lap in the rocking chair, give her some milk, and read her three stories before putting her to bed (a crib in our closet since she’s still waking up in the night and needs to be soothed back to sleep).
My Mom Reading to Ophelia Earlier in the Night
Active Labor
While we were putting the kids to bed, the other two midwives Laurie and Jillian arrived and got all of their things set up. After that, they checked the baby’s heart rate and took my blood pressure. I felt so bad that I had encouraged them to come out so much earlier and now here they were getting here so much later and still nothing was really happening. After I apologized, they said, “Don’t worry! We’d rather be here early than get here just as you’re pushing him out.” My mom was so sweet and showed them where the food was, the extra beds where they could rest, and chatted with them for a bit while Scott and I got things settled in the living room.
My mom soon joined us in the living room and we talked excitedly about the day so far and what was to come. I kept waiting for things to pick up, and they didn’t. My contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, lasting for less than a minute, and still not very intense. I kept trying to check myself to see how far dilated I was, but things were just too mushy and I couldn’t tell. One of the midwives said she would check for me and even though I typically don’t like being checked by anyone ever after feeling violated during Ruby’s birth, I was very curious to see just how far along I was. It wasn’t easy for her to tell either, but she guessed that I was at about 6 cm. At least there was some progress. I couldn’t imagine being at a 6 and having things fizzle out overnight.
At about 9:30 p.m., my mom finally went to lay down. “Wake me up if things start happening,” she said. I felt so bad that things weren’t progressing, and that all of the midwives had to just sit around waiting for me. But I put all of those feelings of being a watched pot out of my mind and knew that this time was all about me and whatever I needed. I let everything else melt away and focused on my body and what it was telling me.
During contractions, I would bounce on the ball and the pain would just melt away. I didn’t really even feel the need to vocalize, but I did anyways just so that the midwives would know that something was going on. They were set up in our little homeschool room staying out of sight, but within earshot. They would come in to check the baby’s heart rate periodically, but basically let us do our thing which is just what I wanted.
By 10:00 p.m., Scott wondered if I was up for some video games. That sounded perfect! So Scott and I played this silly fighting game called Altered Beast where you have to punch and kick all of these evil creatures and every time you kill the white wolf you power up to become an increasingly more muscular man or ferocious beast. The midwives later told me that it was so funny because they would hear all of these sounds and rush in to see what was going on only to see us excitedly talking about the game. Even during contractions, I would keeping pushing A and B to fight the evil creatures.
By about 10:40 p.m., I suddenly got really tired and just wanted to lay down so I closed my eyes and rested on the couch for awhile. I almost felt myself slip into a deep sleep and contractions seemed to stop. After laying down for about 20 minutes, I felt another contraction coming, so I slipped onto the ball and rocked through a very mild one. I laid down for another 20 minutes or so and expected to get up to a very powerful contraction, but once again, it was very mild.
I went to the bathroom at 11:25 p.m. and told the midwives after I checked myself that it felt like the baby’s head was lower and that I was dilated further, but that contractions had died down, so I didn’t know what was going on. Jillian told me that my body was probably saving its strength for the final push, but I was starting to feel like maybe things wouldn’t be happening that night after all. I was starting to get really tired and feeling a little shaky. I was also getting really anxious about how long things were taking, and I didn’t know if I would be meeting my sweet little boy soon, or in hours…how many hours? How much longer???
I was determined that I didn’t want to go to sleep and wait until things picked up the next day, and even though I was tired and really just wanted to lay down, in between each contraction I would squat and sway, or pace the room, or go to the bathroom, or bounce on the ball.
When the midwives came in to check on me, I apologized once again for things taking so long and Jillian said that her and Julie didn’t get to see each other very often and were really having fun catching up. I said I wished that I had some wine for them or something! Scott remembered our kombucha and offered them a glass. He ran to the kitchen and came back with two little glasses and a bottle of our red raspberry leaf kombucha. They loved it and just before I could give them the recipe, I felt a powerful contraction coming on, so I got right to my ball.
Transition
I’m not sure if I was quite to transition at this point, but by about 11:30 p.m., contractions started getting intense to the point where I needed Scott to start rubbing my back. He reached into his old bag of tricks and pressed really hard on my hips massaging them with all of his strength. I didn’t feel like doing our “washing machine” move from Ophelia’s birth, but just steadily bouncing up and down on the ball during each contraction. A low guttural moan started to escape my lips at the height of each contraction and my entire focus was on that moment and what I needed to do to get through it.
But as each contraction ended, the pain completely melted away and Scott and I would joke and laugh and putz around getting ready for the next contraction. At one point during a particularly powerful contraction, I yelled at Scott, “What are you doing! That really hurts!” He had been rubbing my hips pretty intensely and all of a sudden it got painful! “Push in the middle of my back!” I commanded. He did, but it didn’t really do much. (Sidenote: For over a week after the birth, the only thing that really hurt were my hips from Scott pushing on them so hard!)
With just about every other labor, I had experienced back labor and these techniques really worked, but maybe this baby was in a better position because I never once felt any back labor. The peak of each contraction lasted about 20 seconds and was intense, but manageable. I never felt out of control or that the pain was too much. I just knew that I needed to get through it one contraction at a time and that every one brought me that much closer to holding my sweet baby boy in my arms.
This went on for about an hour and then at 12:30 a.m., Laurie told us that she had another mom in labor with contractions 2-4 minutes apart and lasting over a minute. “Well,” I said, feeling like a failure, “she sounds closer than I am.” Laurie explained that she would be sending her backup midwife, Dorthy, to come and assist us. “My last two births happened with the midwives getting there five minutes before I pushed, and now our midwife is going to be gone for five minutes until I push,” I joked.
I knew things were feeling close, but I guess in some ways, I was still scared and I realized that there had been a small part of me that had been holding back this whole time. The part of me that didn’t want to quite accept what was happening, the part of me that kept feeling like there was one last thing that needed to be done before he could be born, the part of me that didn’t feel like I could handle it, and the part of me that was afraid.
Scott asked Laurie if he could help her out with her second load, and in that moment, I just let it all go. The fear, the worry, the pain…I let it all go and went inside of myself and felt like something deep within was finally able to exhale. In that moment, I was rocked by a huge and powerful contraction and then I felt a pop and a warm gush. “My water just broke!” I shouted.
Pushing
The other midwives came rushing into the room and yelled to Laurie, “She’s pushing!” Laurie quickly came into the living room where I had slipped off from my ball onto my hands and knees (my favorite birthing position) and started leaning against the coffee table. Scott helped me take off my underwear, and I almost knocked everything off the coffee table in one fell swoop until I realized that it was a candle and half drunk bottle of kombucha beside me. So I gently moved them aside and grabbed onto the side and back of the table while I rested my head in the middle and let my body get to work. I could hear the midwives scurrying about getting their supplies and laying chux pads underneath me.
I felt that familiar urge to push that took over every sensation in my entire body, and I knew that I would soon be meeting my son. The thought thrilled me, and I felt the adrenaline surge through me as he traveled down the birth canal. I remembered to take it slow and gently let him enter the world so that I wouldn’t damage myself too badly.
When it felt right, I pushed. In a few minutes, I could hear Scott yell, “I see the head!” I heard other voices too saying things like, “You’re almost there!” and “You’re doing great!” I love hearing words of encouragement when I get to this pushing phase. Feeling that ring of fire is intense, and I like to hear that it will be over soon and be reassured that everything is okay. Scott just told me as I’m writing this that as the head was crowning, Laurie said, “This might sting a bit” as she poured some kind of black oily stuff all over my perineum that they had been heating up in our crock pot all evening. I will have to ask them what that was at our next appointment! I have no recollection of that by the way. Then the intense feeling of him crowning was over and I knew that I had delivered the head and that the rest of him would be slipping out soon.
As soon as his head was born, Laurie suctioned out his nose and mouth. There was a big smear of something dark on his face. They thought it was meconium at first, but realized later that it was just blood because all of the water that came out was completely clear. As I prepared for the final push, Jillian cradled his head and said, “I’m going to bring him up through your legs,” and with one final giant push, our little baby boy was born. I reached down and picked up his small slippery body and drew him close to me. Nine minutes before, Laurie had started heading out the door, and now here I was holding my sweet little boy!
Everyone helped me turn over and I brought my sweet little boy up to my chest. He looked a little pale, and I quickly wrapped him in a blanket while bringing him to my chest. As the oxytocin rushed through my body, I cooed to him and rubbed his sweet little head in complete awe of the miracle of life. He never once cried and his bright eyes looked calmly right into mine. Within a few minutes, he started to pink up, and I suddenly felt the urge to push again. Out came the placenta.
After I held him for a few minutes, the midwives noticed that his cord had stopped pulsing and so they clamped it and with a few snips, Scott cut his cord. At this point, I was kind of awkwardly propped up on the floor and Scott helped me up while the midwives ushered me to the couch where they had prepared some more chux pads and pillows.
After the Birth
Scott texted my mom to let her know that something had certainly happened. He sent her one word…it said “born”. She was so sound asleep that someone had to go wake her up, but I knew she wouldn’t want to miss this for the world. As I settled onto the couch with my sweet little boy nestled against my chest, Scott cuddled up next to me and we looked into each other’s eyes with that look that says, we just went through something amazing that has changed us once again forever. We looked at his sweet little face and couldn’t believe how alert he was and how simply peaceful he seemed. He was such a beautiful baby!
He latched on right way and ate hungrily. The midwives were busy filling out paperwork, and I asked Scott, “Should we tell them his name?” We had decided a while ago what we wanted to name him, but of course we had to meet him first and see if the name fit. When we said it out loud – Julian William Maaser – we knew that it fit him perfectly! Soon, my mom joined us and couldn’t believe that he was here. We joyfully told her the rest of the birth story and she was so happy to meet her little grandson.
After Julian ate to his heart’s content, they were ready to do the newborn screening. They gently looked at his reflexes and checked over every inch of his body while I sat right next to him talking gently and rubbing his head. He made one little cry of protest, but otherwise continued to display his calm and gentle demeanor that he had shown since the moment of birth. He was a perfectly healthy little boy and there were no concerns. I dressed him in a little onsie and footie pants that I had picked out weeks before. After that, I swaddled him tightly in really nice new swaddling cloth I splurged on from Amazon.
When they checked me over, I just had one little “scuff mark” down there, but otherwise things looked great. My blood flow was normal, my uterus was contracting as it should, and I felt great. I had sent Scott to look for the cats who went outside when we were by the fire much earlier in the evening and hadn’t come back in yet. He kept calling and calling but they didn’t come. Jillian asked me if I’d like to go pee, so I handed Julian to my mom and hobbled to the bathroom with Jillian’s help.
Later, when I asked my mom about holding him for the first time, she said, “It was a magical moment because I was all alone with him. Scott was out looking for the cats and both of the midwives were with you. The room was dim. It was just precious. I didn’t have any pretenses or felt like anyone was watching me. I just looked at him and felt so honored and in awe and sort of in shock a little to hold this precious little being that belonged to you.” When I came back to the living room, Scott was expertly rocking Julian, and just like with Elliot, he was soothed by a pinkie in his mouth.
I was determined to get those cats inside because I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest easy unless I knew they were safe and sound, so I sent my mom outside to do her loud, “Here kitty kitty kitty!” that was so loud I’m surprised all of the stray cats in the neighborhood didn’t come running! Eventually, both of our cats came running from half a block away and were eventually corralled inside. Ahhhhhh, now I could sleep!
After that, we said goodnight to my mom and the three of us headed off to bed. It was about 2:30 a.m. on Saturday morning at that point. The midwives came in to tuck us in and gave us a few postpartum care reminders. Scott drifted off to sleep immediately, but I was up checking my facebook status that I had posted of our new family, and felt like I would be too excited to sleep. But at some point I drifted off. Julian was swaddled beside me and slept soundly for five hours (the best he would sleep for the whole first week, so it’s nice he started off with some good sleep). All of the other children slept peacefully throughout the whole labor and birth. We were so excited to think about their reactions to their new baby brother the next day.
Just Born!
Mommy, Daddy, and Julian
The Next Day
Elliot was the first one up and came into our room at 5:30 a.m. So early! He is usually pretty good about sleeping in until 7:30-8:00 a.m., but he will wake up early if he has to pee. He cuddled up in bed with us, so happy to meet his little baby brother! He giggled and laughed and loved his little brother as he snuggled under the covers with us. After that, Scott took Elliot out to the living room and I continued to sleep.
Ruby woke up at 6:30 a.m. and joined Daddy and Elliot. Then Ophelia, who usually sleeps in until 9:00 or 10:00 a.m., woke up at 7:30 a.m. and that’s when Ruby and Ophelia came in our room and met Julian for the first time. Ophelia said, “Baby, baby!” but was really pretty indifferent. Ruby was sooooooooo happy! She cuddled right up to him and started talking to him right away. I don’t remember her first words exactly, but I think she started describing the world to him right off the bat and explained how much she loved him and was so happy to meet him.
At about 9:00 a.m., my mom woke up and joined Ruby, Elliot, and Ophelia who were all dressed and fed and playing with Daddy in the living room. She took over and let Scott come back to bed. I tried sleeping some more, but I was still just too excited. Plus I felt really gross and wanted to take a bath and brush my teeth. My mom brought in the herbal bath mixture and I enjoyed a nice hot soak in our walk in tub while Scott cuddled up with Julian. It felt AMAZING!!!
I was so happy to bring Julian out to the living room and to have our whole family was together for the first time. My mom took such good care of us that day. She brought us food, played with the kids, and kept the house clean. At about 2:00 p.m., Grandma Gene and Andrea joined us. It was so nice to have a few extra hands to help keep everyone entertained. Scott and I were able to slip away for another nap and my mom brought us out an amazing platter of dinner when we awoke and came back into the living room.
Ruby and Elliot Love Their New Baby Brother
That night, we were able to easily pick up our bedtime routine with one extra person in tote and everyone went to sleep on time, peacefully, and easily. I am sooooooo glad we had some good bedtime routines in place and were so settled in our home. Scott and I sat in the living room with Julian, who just like when he was in the womb, would wake up after the kids went to bed. He was so peaceful and calm and Scott and I chattered away excitedly about all of the events that had taken place. My heart felt so full of love that it could just about burst.
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